Barnmouse Blitherings

Hello!

2007-11-14T17:00:00.000-05:00

I am over here now!

Hope you stop by! :)

WELL COLOR ME STUPID.

2007-06-08T15:16:00.001-04:00

I had no idea that I could move my blog! Arlene, if you weren't 3000 miles away I'd hug you!

So, for any of you who have me bookmarked, I'm movin' on up!

I've been thinking about it for awhile now (maybe since like, week 3!) but in my head my only choices were start completely over and loose all my (incredibly hilarious) posts and all of your (even more hilarious) comments, which I could not bare to do or buy a domain and pay monthly dues. I wasn't quite willing to do that yet either, but that's the one I had been considering mostly.

But behold! Wordpress! I love you!

Here is my new site. And in case you didn't get that.... HERE it is again! Hee.

I'VE OBVIOUSLY BEEN VERY BUSY.

2007-06-07T21:31:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I had to inform my husband, the computer genious, the car fixer-upper, the reader and understander of technical manuals, what the slang phrase "Muffin Top" means. He thought it meant (oh God) a girl with a small rack. Like about the size of actual muffin tops. I am not yet over the shame.

Anyway, over the course of me explaining, my brain (which works in mysterious ways) came up with a new slang term. So, you know how when you see a girl with pants on that are 2 sizes too small and a belly shirt, it's called "muffin top"....but what about when you see a guy with that gut hanging over his belt buckle? This is where my new phrase comes into play!

Girl with gut = Muffin Top

Guy with gut = Cupcake Top

*pause for inevitable laughter*

See...and here's how I came up with that...when a girl has a muffin top, it's pretty uniform, right? Like, on both sides and in the front (can I believe I'm talking about this? Um, actually, yeah! I can.), and when I bake muffins, they generally come out pretty uniform too. On the other hand, when I bake cupcakes, they always come out lopsided! Like a guy's gut! You know how you see a man from behind and they look totally normal and maybe even a little bit in shape and then they turn around and there it is! Six months pregnant!

So who's with me? Let's put "cupcake top" on the map! LOL

And also, I feel compelled to inform y'all that earlier, I ate a piece of Quaker granola bar off the floor. To my credit, I had only dropped it about a second earlier and I did blow on it. What? You know germs jump off at the first sign of a breeze. Oh you didn't? It's totally true. Really. It is. Stop looking at me that way.

Oh whatever.

I'm off to go sit in the freezer. It's damn hot in here.

Mah Kitteh Iz Fay-Mus!

2007-06-05T23:00:00.001-04:00

http://icanhascheezburger.com/2007/06/05/i-has-a-bag/

Winston (Cathill...LOL) iz Fay-Mus!

(he's the grey one!)

Check it out, Dudes!

Winston says:

Manic Monday - 6/4

2007-06-04T12:48:00.000-04:00

Seeing as how I'm trying to get back into the swing of things here, Manic Monday is back! Woo! This week, Lisa has choosen these questions:

1. How do you learn best? Watch and learn? Participation? Reading directions or technical manuals?

2. Is one of your senses more highly developed than another? If so, which one?

3. Summer is almost upon us here in the northern hemisphere. What says summer to you?

...and these would be my answers!

1. How do you learn best? Watch and learn? Participation? Reading directions or technical manuals?

I definitely learn better by watching. My husband drives me crazy though, he can read a manual (computer, car, etc) and know exactly what to do, how to do it, and he remembers it all. That drives me nuts.

2. Is one of your senses more highly developed than another? If so, which one?

My hearing, I think. When I was younger and still taking piano lessons, my mom (who smoked at the time, not anymore! Yippee!) would be in the kitchen and I would be in the living room practicing the piano and I could hear her light a cigarette while I was playing. I think it freaked her out a little! I'd stop playing and yell "Put that out!". LOL

3. Summer is almost upon us here in the northern hemisphere. What says summer to you?

Hmm. Summer says flip flops, beach towels, the smell of sunscreen and chlorine, and driving around with the windows down. These are just the random things that pop into my head when I think "Summer".

There you have it!

Did you play? :)

Three Word Wednesday

2007-05-30T21:31:00.000-04:00

I almost forgot! I've been completely forgetting all the little weekly things I started doing these past few months with all that's been going on. So here it is 9:32 pm on Wednesday! I barely made it! But I still made it. Woo!

So here are the words brought to us by Bone over at the 3 Word Wednesday Headquarters:

stroke
summer
leave

Easy Peasy (is that how you spell that? I have no idea...I'm from NC!)

Here's what I came up with:

If this summer is any hotter than the last one, I'm going to have heat stroke and then not leave the house again until Fall (which will probably be around December).

So! Did you play?

Is GI Jane Making A Comeback?

2007-05-28T23:43:00.000-04:00

Y'all would not believe how many people find my site by Googling "women buzz cuts" or some variation there of. And all from this post. And seriosly. I did not shave all my hair off. To those of you thinking of doing that?

No.

Just no.

I know the thought of not having to brush your hair or worry about the cowlicks, curling/flat irons, etc, but think about it. Do you really want to walk around looking like Britney Spears? Desperate with a dash of crazy? No. You don't.

And while we're on the subject, more than a few people have stumbled over here Googling thing such as "my dog ate my diet pills" and "my dog at vitamins". But my personal favorite has to be "my dog's leg is turning purple".

OH MY GOD, DUDE TAKE YOUR DOG TO THE VET!!!

What the hell?!

I know when my dog has big gashes or has swallowed some drugs, the first thing I do is pop open the laptop and hop on over to Google. Maybe have a glass of wine. Chat on the phone. Catch up on my letter writing.

Shwaa?

So this one of for all of you who come here under the pretense of getting some answers about something your dog ate or did. Or if they're swelling, bleeding, limping, loosing their hair, looking at you funny, or farting. CALL YOUR VET. OR BETTER YET, TAKE YOUR DOG TO THE VET. NOW!

Jeezy Creezy!

Next time, we'll cover "can I give my dog fridge and pantry foods"...is that where you keep the DOG FOOD? In that case, yes., "What if my dog ate a squirrel?"...oh do not even get me started on that one. my hand still cramps up when it's cold. Just let him eat the damn squirrel. and "hamster, fuzzy toes". Say what now?

Y'all keep 'em straight up thar! (and yes, long live Johnboy & Billy!!! Woo!)

I want my baby back, baby back, baby back...

2007-05-24T17:48:00.000-04:00

*sigh*

I sold my Mitsubishi 3000gt. (vr-4...just to brag a little)

I am sad.

I miss it already.

It was such a thrill to drive. When I sold my horse, I bought that car. So I always thought of it as my "horse replacement". I traded horse power for horse power. I mean, it wasn't a "daily driver/grocery getter" type car, that's what I have the Jeep for, but I'll still miss the special outings every-so-often.

I'm trying to figure out what my next "thrill" thing will be. (did that sound as bad as I think it did? thrill thing! Woo!)

Something tells me Rat's not going to let me buy a motorcycle. Hee!

Hmm. Something odd just crossed my mind (like what else is new, right?). I think I sold my car on the same day I bought the Jeep. How weird is that?

Anyway, I sold it to a guy who just got back from Iraq, so I feel pretty good about that. I'm glad he got the car he wanted so badly (and drove like 5 hours to get to). I makes me feel a little bit better. And I'm pretty sure he (and his brother) are going to take pretty good care of it. I doubt they'll take as good of care of it as Rat and I have, but then again we're a bit strange when it comes to our cars and stuff like that.

I also got more for it than I paid for it originally (but that didn't cover what we put into it), but still, I guess that's okay. We needed a new roof. Stupid wind storm. Stupid shingles. Stupid...um...like....air...and stuff. The horrible thing is, is that had we not had to pay for Rat's mom's funeral, we could have paid for the roof with no problem. And this just gets me pissed off more and more with her husband-of-2-years, or as he shall now be refered to on here, "Shithead". (and yes, that capitalized...for good reason!) Why did her children have to pay for her funeral? Why didn't Shithead pay for it? He's claiming that he's entitled to her entire estate! Yet he couldn't lift a finger to help her children plan her very unexpected funeral. Bastard! And on top of that, during their TWO YEAR MARRIAGE he left her TWICE! Then had a major stroke and realized that he had no one to take care of him and drive him around, so back he came!

I should really shut up. I'm just getting myself worked up again.

Anyway, so. My car. My beautiful, beautiful car. My baby. The Preciousssss. I will miss you. You will always be MY car.

Such an awesome car.

My brother once said "That car looks mean!" , which...yeah! It does!

I hope the guy who bought it will keep in touch. And if he wrecks it, I hope he knows I'm coming after him...and I'm bringing the creepy bunny cupcakes with me!

New Exercise Program! Tighten Your Abs With Laughter!

2007-05-23T14:53:00.000-04:00

I found this a little earlier on today and have watched it several times and I laugh Every. Single. Time. I just had to share...

I have an Excedrin headache...and it's THIS BIG

2007-05-22T11:28:00.000-04:00

We're getting a new roof put on as I ...uh...type. It sounds like they're playing hopscotch up there. I tried working in my office, but it's on the second floor and I couldn't stand it for more than 5 minutes. I kept having this thought that the roofers were about to come crashing through the ceiling and land on me (cartoon bug eyes and all) and squash me on the floor.

The cats are freaking out. Not quite as bad as when we got the chimney straightened (hee hee....chimbley...HI DAD!), but they won't go more than a few feet away from me and their eyes are about the size of saucers. Surprisingly, Shadow is fine with all that's going on. Normally he barks and runs around and has a fit, but he was just kind of...I don't know....interested...this time. At the moment he's gnawing on his Ultimate Chew (the only kind of treat that lasts more than a nanosecond with him). On the other hand, the neighbor's dog is going bananas. But I think he's a little nuts anyway.

...suspicious quiet....

Breaking for lunch, maybe? After 4 hours of constant banging and stomping overhead, the silence has a strange feeling to it.

I wish I could just get out of here and go to the gym, but the dude (yes, I just said "dude") who delivered the palets of shingles and other assorted roofy-type things decided that the best place to park them was behind my garage door. So now I can't get out. And the palets cannot be moved by meer barnmouse force. That option has been exhausted (as well as my arms).

Oh goody. More banging. *sigh*

And also, while I am whining...

And not only that, but this as well...

To say that I'm a bit peeved is an understatement.

I hope y'all's day is going better than mine so far! Happy Tuesday.

And just to make myself feel a little bit better....

Leftover Easter Candy? Well...Kind Of.

2007-05-17T22:42:00.000-04:00

I know several weeks ago (yikes!) I mentioned creepy bunny cupcakes. (oh dear, when looking that up, I noticed that I wrote "I'll tell you about the creepy bunny cupcakes tomorrow". whoops! What I really meant was "a month from now".) So while I'm feeling guilty about posting so rarely lately, I will go ahead and tell y'all about the creepy bunny cupcakes. (I giggle every time I write that)

Around Easter this year, I was walking around our local Kroger sniffing the yummy looking (and smelling) fresh made cinnamon buns, when I spied something with my little eyes that began with the letter "C" (and also "B"...and then another "C").

What was that? Yes! You're right! Creepy Bunny Cupcakes!

These things made me stop in the middle of the store and just really laugh my ass off. I cannot imagine anyone thinking these things up and saying to themselves "These will be a huge hit this Easter! We must make THOUSANDS!!! They will sell out in 2 days!". Of course, when I found them, they were on clearance. So apparently they didn't go over as well as planned.

That did not deture me! Hey! 12 cupcakes for 2 bucks? Hell yeah we have a deal! LOL!

Rat and I ended up only eating 3 of them (total, not "a piece").

Now comes the time where I show you why.

"Hi! I love you! Can I drink your blood? Satan is my friend!"

Hee hee. Sorry. That's what runs through my head when I see this picture. Oh...you're still laughing? Okay. I'll wait.

*twiddling thumbs*

You okay? Alright. Now that you've cleaned whatever drink you were drinking off of whatever you just spit it on, let me ask you this: What could be creepier than that bunny cupcake?

NINE OF THEM!!!!

It's a little army! A little creepy bunny cupcake army! All dressed up and ready to kill you in your sleep.

And can it possibly get any worse? Why yes! It can! Guess what kind of cake they're made of. Red velvet cake.

Is it any wonder now how 9 cupcakes survived in our house for about 2 weeks before I finally threw them away because I just couldn't look at their creepy little faces anymore? Actually...I didn't throw away the creepy little faces....I took them off and washed them out and I've been delighting myself in putting them on different things (like the cats, although I can't get them to sit still long enough for me to snap a few pictures).

So now you know my dirty little (creepy) secret. And I hope you thought it (at least parts of it) was funny. I know I did!

More Letters To Gym People! Finally!

2007-05-16T21:50:00.000-04:00

Yeah. I know. I've been horrible about posting lately. What can I say other than oops...sorry...my bad? So I'll try to make it up to y'all with some more letters to gym people. Yay! Aren't you excited?! I know I am! I mean really, me criticing people at the gym? Who wouldn't wanna read that?!

To Weird-Guy-In-Workshirt:

Umm. A workshirt? Really? How comfortable can that be? (Seriously y'all...a button-down workshirt with a name patch) I guess there's nothing really wrong with it, but dang if it didn't look weird. And please do something about the obviously itchy underwear you were wearing. I know that there are other possibilities for why you couldn't leave yourself alone, but I don't want to think about them.

So. In the future. Try a t-shirt at the gym. You'll find that you're much more comfortable and get lots less strange looks from other people. And speaking of strange looks, the itchy undies situation. Please remedy that. Or at least pick an elliptical more than one away from me when the entire line of them are empty. I was on the one at the end for a reason.

Thank you for your time,
The-girl-who-is-going-to-start-putting-"This Machine Is Broken"-signs-on-the-machines-around-her

To the Very Affectionate Couple:

Omigod y'all....get a room. No one wants to see that. I seriously thought I was gonna barf. That's the sucky thing about being on a workout machine and seeing something that makes you wanna hurl. You can run faster and faster, but you don't actually get away from anything. Like the guy in the bright red sweatpants and the bright yellow sweatshirt (yes, I'm talking to you...You looked like a hotdog) walking over to his girlfriend/wife/hooker/whatever (yes, now I'm talking to you, a bra is not a shirt) every 5 damn minutes to suck face and pat her on the butt while the girl on the elliptical (hey, now we're talking about me! in a respectable amount of clothes that don't remind me of any kind of food) is trying not to be sick.

See what you made me do? I've never seen so many parenthases in my life!

To recap: don't make out at the gym, especially when dressed as a hotdog and a stripper.

Barfing-ly yours,
the-girl-who-will-now-never-be-comfortable-wearing-anything-less-than-baggy-shirts-
to-the-gym-thanks-to-you

....and finally....

To The Hot Guy Who Doesn't Go To The Gym Enough:

Dear Hot Guy,

Please come back. I'm sorry about the drool. I promise to bring a towel next time. And maybe I'll even try not to stare as much (who am I kidding, I'll just wear my sunglasses). And even though you walk like you're pretty full of yourself, I won't judge. I mean, hell, if I looked like that I'd probably be pretty full of myself too. And hey, I could be wrong! You've just got a little bit of that Christian Bale in American Psycho thing going on. All that aside...you're pretty... ~drool~

Oops...there I go again.

School-girl-crushingly Yours,
barnmouse

**barnmouse disclaimer**

"NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT"

thankyouveddymuch

To All You Mother's Out There.....

2007-05-13T13:34:00.000-04:00

I hope you all have a great one!

-barnmouse

Okay....so I'm 17 minutes late...

2007-05-11T00:16:00.000-04:00

...but to be fair, I started this before 12.

And also...photoshop is hard, dude. And maybe I might have been watching Family Guy. Just a little.

So! Today (well...yesterday...the 10th! Of May!) is my Granny's birthday! Her 84th birthday to be exact! Yay Granny!

Granny is the best granny ever! When I was little, we used to spend hours (and all of her quarters) at Roses riding the little plastic horsies. Okay...so it was just me who rode the horsies, but she was standing there watching the whole time. And we all know how important it is for grown-ups to "watch ME!" when we're little. Looking back on it now, I'm convinced that she enjoyed that just as much, if not more, as me! We also used to build "super card houses" on her rug in the living room. They had the best carpet for card houses. You could stand up one card! These things had 4 and 5 stories sometimes. And the best part was always knocking them over at the end of the day (although, sometimes my granddad got that honor...hee hee...I think knocking stuff over is a guy thing).

Since she's gotten older and isn't able to cook all the things that had become traditions, like her sour cream cinnamon coffee cake (a Christmas breakfast staple) I've been trying to figure out some of her cooking secrets. So since I was meeting up with my parents on Tuesday, I thought I'd try to bake the coffee cake and send some home with them so Granny could have some of the cake that she lovingly prepared all those years for her birthday. I spoke with her today and she said that she loved it! Which makes me pretty darn happy. Also, my mom said it was fantastic, which means SO much. It took me awhile, (and many "eh" kind of coffee cakes) to figure out that she used the recipe as a "guide", but once I got over my fear of screwing it up forever (can't quite figure out how I got that in my crazy head) I tweaked some of the ingredients and lo and behold! Granny's coffee cake! Yay!

So Happy Birthday Granny! You're the best! I love you!

-your favorite grandchild
(heh)

Note To Self:

2007-05-04T18:45:00.000-04:00

Do not let hair dry while wrapped up in towel and then try to brush.

And also, ouch.

WARNING: DO NOT EAT MCDONALD'S CHEESEBURGERS FOR BREAKFAST

2007-04-29T23:05:00.000-04:00

The Scene: Barnmouse and Rat's upstairs hallway by the linen closet.

Rat: *looking at the floor in the linen closet* We really need to pull up the carpet in here and put down the hardwood floor like the rest of the upstairs.

Mouse: Uh huh...

Rat: *looking up that the attic door thingy* And we need to look in the attic.

Mouse: Uh...why? To check for bodies?

Rat: *cocking his head like a dog who's heard something weird* shh shh shh...listen......

Mouse: *getting really creeped out* what???

Rat: pfffffffftttttttt

Rat: *grin*

Mouse: nice. thank you.

End Scene.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was pretty much the extent of my weekend. Yes, I know. You're welcome.

Canine Confections' Pet Project

2007-04-26T17:07:00.000-04:00

Hi y'all. I thought I'd tell you a little bit about Canine Confections' "Pet Project".

For the next month, all proceeds from my treats will go to help adopt a kitty. (hee hee. get it? 'pet project'??) Anyway, the kitty's name is Skeeter and he's a 2 1/2 year old gray and white cat. (but I'm sure you got that from "kitty") Unfortunately, Skeeter weighs about twice what he should and has to be on a special diet, so no one really gives him a second look when they're looking to adopt a cute little kitten.

Skeeter's story is a sad one. He was found locked in a cat carrier abandoned next to a dumpster. I can not imagine doing that to an animal! I guess there are just some horrible people out there. Such a sad start for such a sweet kitty.

Okey Dokey. That's pretty much the jist of the "Pet Project". I went by the adoption place today and was going to take a picture of his sweet little smooshy face, but instead I decided to forget my camera phone in my car. Oops.

If this "Pet Project" goes well, I'm thinking of possibly making it an annual thing. (raising money to help get abandoned cats and dogs adopted)

So what do y'all think? I'm definitely open to suggestions.

Letters to the Gym People (possibly with actual letters this time!)

2007-04-24T19:31:00.000-04:00

To the guy walking on the treadmill beside me in socks,

*chanelling Bill Lumburgh* Yeeeaaaaahhh...kaaaayyy....I'm gonna have to go ahead and...yeeeaaahhh....ask you to just...just put your shoes back on. Kaaay? Yeeeaaaah. *takes sip from mug of coffee* Alrighty then.

*chanelling barnmouse* Seriously! Dude! Gross! Put your damn shoes back on. WTF?! You're not in your house. Sure, there are membership dues, but that doesn't mean you don't have to follow a couple of rules. They won't even let you in the mini-mart without shoes on and you think it's alright to kick off your shoes on the treadmill to let your feet air out? Umm. No?

Nose-scrunchingly Yours,
barnmouse

And that's not even the weirdest thing about this guy. When I got there, he had both shoes on and was walking like there was no tomorrow. Then, after I had been there about 10 minutes or so, he stops the treadmill, steps off and turns around and sits on it, breathing like he's about to have a heart attack or something. At this point, I'm starting to worry. Am I going to have to call an ambulance? Then, to my surprise, he gets back up on the treadmill and starts up that same crazy pace again. Only this time....he's only got one shoe on.

Huh? I have to tell myself not to stare.

About 3 minutes into his second workout, he slows the pace down a bit and then kicks off his other shoe. Right about now, I'm seriously considering just leaving. I don't think I can NOT laugh anymore. Luckily, he leaves after about 10 more minutes, but not after using the "floor" of the treadmill as a seat again, breathing like he's got a 3 pack a day habit.

Letters to People at the Gym (probably a series)

2007-04-23T16:29:00.000-04:00

As I might have mentioned before (or I might not have...it's been forEVER since I last posted) Rat and I have joined a gym. And with joining a gym, along with fitness and the hope of less ass, comes interaction with "gym people". Gym People are the type of people who, if you meet them anywhere other than the gym, they seem to be completely normal people. However. If you meet them in the gym, you will memorize the days and times that they are there and will avoid the gym at all costs at these times.

Now don't get me wrong. Gym People are not all bad. Sometimes they are good. Very Gooooood. But if you happen to be married, as I am, this can be very baaaaaad. Now I'm thinking that the very gooood gym people are mostly men. And I'm thinking this for a reason other than I'm a girl and I like men. The women who are at the gym all the time (i.e. personal trainers, workout-aholics, etc) think they look like supermodels and are super sexy. They could not be more wrong. They are so wrong that when you say "wrong" you have to say it like they do in the Sonic commercials. "W-Rong" Stringy and orange is not sexy. It's scary. And it's even scarier than I'm not talking about hair. I'm talking about when you can see all the muscle fibers and tendons and such because the women is...well...what's the word? Buff? Pumped? Ripped? Stringy is the first thing that pops into my mind. It just looks wrong. They look like men from the chin down. And don't get me started on the BLEACHED blonde hair (all caps means so bleached that it's just fried) and the fact that their skin is the color of a carrot. You're not fooling us! We know that's a fake tan. And fake hair color. And no one's teeth are that white. They just set off the orange color. Please. Take a day or two off from the "sun in a bottle".

And these people. They are extreme. The kind of extreme where they would want you to spell it "X-Treme"!!! (with that many exclamation points)

I realize I'm ranting here, but it's not like I can say anything to these people's faces. They'd crack me in half! Rat signed up for 12 personal trainer sessions (because they were super cheap when we signed up) and he's had 6 and then had to tell the personal trainer lady that because we were going to have to get our chimney straightened and get a new roof put on the house (thank you wind storm) that he wasn't going to be able to sign up for more sessions. And according to him she said "no, you can't do that".

Umm...what?

Come to find out that she used to work at another gym in town where one of my friends is a member and my friend says that no one there liked her and we're thinking she was fired.

Really.

Wonder why?

I can't imagine.

So. On to the letters. I've written several, but seeing as how this post has gotten a bit off topic already, I'll save those for later. Hopefully tomorrow. I'm trying to do better at posting (or at least I'm going to try).

So...here's a picture of some ducks that were randomly in our front yard, even though we don't live on or really near water.

And here's a picture of Ebenezer staring at the ducks imagining them in the oven.

And here's a picture of Winston not caring.

Pleez yallz....sumbodee jus rubs mah belly!

And if y'all are good, tomorrow I'll tell ya' about creepy bunny cupcakes! I know, you can't wait!

Canine Confections

2007-04-16T19:59:00.000-04:00

I'm currently in the process of making a page for my dog treats here. You can find the link to the right. It says "Canine Confections Treats".

I'll be writting a (hopefully) interesting post soon, so stay tuned, unless you don't want to hear about the hot dude from the gym or the tanerexic. LOL!

One Question And One Comment About the Duke Thing and Then I'll Shut Up...

2007-04-12T23:08:00.000-04:00

First, the question. As soon as the "accuser" yelled that she was raped by three white Duke students, their names, pictures, life histories, etc were splashed all over television, newspapers, radio, blah blah blah. What happened to "innocent until proven guilty"? Out the window? Now that it's come to light that yes, acctually, they're innocent "Oops, we're sorry" and all that, what happens to the girl who put them through hell for over a year? No one even knows her name! The pictures they put on the news of her in court have her face blurred out. I think we should get a little glimpse into her life for awhile. Let her see what she put three innocent people through. I guess my question would be "Where the hell does she get off?" She's done actual rape victims a real disservice. I'm a bit too lazy to look up the actual stats at the moment, but a huge percentage of rapes go unreported every year because the victims are afraid of not being believed. There should be consiquences for the "accusor's" actions. If they're thinking of bringing Nifong up on charges, then I think she should face them too.

Hmm....I think I'm ranting. Anyway. You get my point. I'm all "eye for an eye" on this one.

Now...the comment. I knew they were innocent. I could feel it in my bones. I was right! Suckahs!

And also? People in NC? Try to get on the national news for something good next time. I'm tired of seeing my beloved state on the world news for all the wrong reasons. Let people know how great it is here! :)

P.S. Don Imus? Who the hell? I gotta say, I had never heard of him until his unfortunate comment. And Don? The Marlboro Man called...he wants his outfit back. Ass.

Is It Wrong If......

2007-04-10T21:47:00.000-04:00

...I wouldn't mind if my late mother in law's husband of 2 years just kind of....disappeared?

...I want him to try to take everything (like he's doing) and we totally screw him and he ends up with nothing?

...I want to hurt that sneaky, coniving, bastard little creep?!

Seriously. I do. I want to hurt him. Badly.

I had a dream about him (when he left my MiL the second of the 2 times he left her!) where I saw him in Petsmart and I ended up beating him silly with a dog bowl. I loved that dream. I miss that dream. I think maybe I'll try and have it again tonight. How do you make yourself have a specific dream?

Rat's sister (trying to think up a name for her on here) just called tonight and said that the SOB is trying to claim that since he was going to leave everything to my MiL that she was going to do the same, so he should get everything. OH MY GOD PEOPLE!!! They were married for TWO FREAKIN' YEARS!!! During which time he left her TWICE!!! Then had a stroke!!! They thought he wasn't going to make it, so my MiL drove to the hospital at midnight to sign over power of attorney to his ex wife and daughter! Then, he miraculously makes it (yay) and is all "the near death experience changed me" blah blah blah....and she takes him back.

great

Then, when she's about to move to another state where her daughter lives and start a new job (which the new jerk husband doesn't want to do) and she says "fine, you don't have to go anywhere. I'm movin' and I'm sellin' my house." she suddenly dies at 62. The first day of her retirement.

This just all doesn't add up to me.

Now he's claiming that she was going to leave everything to him so he should get everything anyway. Even though she has three children. He's saying that they should get nothing of their mother's to remember her by. He won't even let them have old family pictures. He got an injunction barring all 3 children from THEIR MOTHER'S HOUSE claiming that they were taking things out (which they weren't).

He's a jackass! A SON OF A BITCH!

I swear!!!! GRRRR!!!!! I just want to slap the shit out of him!

Okay, I'm going to go try and have a *good* dream.

Later

**ya know? maybe I should just find a way to lock him up with my dog for a minute of two. now that would be some good tv!

Manic Monday

2007-04-09T15:14:00.000-04:00

I've never done this before, but thought I'd give it a try. Monday's are not exactly my most competent days. Hee.

"What flavor of ice cream best describes your personality?"

I'd have to go with Peppermint. It's mild, but with a minty kick. hee hee

"If your life was a weather vane, which direction would it be pointing right now?"

I'd say South/South East because that's where I live and I love it! :)

"What is one field or profession that you have never pursued, but that you think you would most likely have been quite good at?"

I wanted to be a lawyer for the longest time. I'm an excellent arguer, but I could never decide on defense or prosecuter. I mean, on one hand, defending an innocent person accused of something is great, but prosecuting the guilty, also good. Oh well. I guess that's why I bake dog treats!

did you play?

Ladies...Please. Listen Up.

2007-04-07T17:57:00.000-04:00

So. There I am. Walking around the mall looking for a present for my mom. When I look around and notice all the women around me are not so much walking, as they are teetering around on super high heeled shoes. Of course, that's everyone, but me. Gaze upon my beautiful new shoes...

Yes I love them soooooo much. They are super comfy and also very stylish, no matter what anyone says. Pink spikes are IN this season!

Anyway, so these women that I'm seeing having to take 8-inch steps, looked very uncomfy and I am definitely Pro-Comfy. Now don't get me wrong. I love the pretty sandals and the heels and what not, but if I can't walk in 4-inch heels, I DO NOT BUY 4 INCH HEELS! Because if you can't walk in your shoes, you do not look super sexy! You look like an idiot. And also like you're going to fall over should a slight breeze be stirred up.

To the girl in the 4-inch chunky platforms: No one thought you were just meandering around the mall. We could all see that with the 'power combo' of shoes too tall for you and the jeans that you needed Crisco, Saran wrap and two good friends to get on, that you could not bend your knees and had to shuffle along like you were practicing skiing. Not cool. Not sexy. Just funny.

I should really start taking my camera more places with me. Although I doubt skank girl would have been too pleased with me taking her picture and snickering. But hey, it's not like she could catch me or anything! I could have gotten away from her at "window shopping" speed. Hee!

So, girls, and you know who you are, please wear shoes you can somewhat walk in. I'm not saying you've got to be able to run a marathon in them, but if you're going to stroll around the mall, then wear the appropriate shoes.

*stepping down off soapbox*

/rant

Meh

2007-04-02T22:51:00.000-04:00

Okay. So far, not really impressed with MySpace, but really...did I think I was going to be? Umm...no. I guess I just don't get it. What does it do? What's it for? Other than to promote the new Transformers movie, which I hear enough about at home because Rat is a huge dork. Hee.

I get that it can be used as a dating service of sorts (not that I'd ever date anyone that found me on freakin' MySpace, but hey, that's just me).

And you can like, leave messages for people? Am I correct about that?

Please, someone! Help! What's the point of MySpace?! I'm starting to get why people call it "WhySpace"...cause just really...whyyyyyy???

Anyway.

Enough of that.

I feel like I've been kind of a sucky bloggy person as of late, skipping my Things on the Road Thursdays, and I can't remember the last time I did SPF, not to mention the sporatic posting.

*whispers* my cat is staring at me....for like 5 minutes now...wtf...*/whispers*

So. My point? Umm...Oh yeah! I'll try to do better! :) Like now! See? Doing better! Writing stuff.

I totally dropped a carton of eggs not 20 feet out of the grocery store today. Yeah, that was fun. Surprisingly, only 4 of them were broken though. Oh damn! I was going to make a cake for Rat! I completely forgot until now! Stupid brain. Always on break. I made a doggy cake today (apple cinnamon just in case you were wondering, and don't kid yourself, you totally were) and when Rat got home he looked at it and you could see his brain working things out. First it was "Yay! A cake! And it's just for me!". Then it was "Wait, what are those things in it?". Then "Oh, they're apples." And finally "Dammit, this is for the dog, isn't it?".

I'm looking for a name for that one now too. So...still looking for a name for this cake (and remember, winner gets doggy treats!!!) and now looking for a name for this one too. Didn't take a picture of it though. But again, apple and cinnamon. And it's made in a "bundt" pan (is that right?....I think it's right) so it's round with a hole in the middle and then cut into wedges. Same as the other one.

In other news....This is back.

Yeah. I know.

At least, I thought I knew. Until I got to play my new Spyro. Now...I am in love.

Yes. Yes, you are right. Rat IS the luckiest man alive! How sweet of you to notice.

And now, in closing, just because I love y'all, here is a picture of the shirt I wore today.

And let me go ahead and tell all you postal workers, cashiers, waiters and waitresses, stock boys, and nosey old ladies out there that no, I do not in fact, eat glue. If I did, do you really think I would wear a shirt saying so? NO! No I would not.

Also, do you have any idea how many pictures I had to take to get one that focused on the shirt and not my boobs?

If y'all are lucky, I post one of the shirt I'm thinking of wearing tomorrow. I get a little nervous about wearing that one in public, lest I offend someone. hee.

And Johnboy, y'all have a nice day.

Would You Believe That I Have An Evil Twin?

2007-04-01T01:37:00.000-04:00

Oh y'all...

What did I do?

I think I may have gone insane.

Or maybe I've just gone extremely bored.

March Shall Hereby Be Removed From My Calendar

2007-03-28T21:29:00.000-04:00

Dear March,

You have been a shitty month. You suck. Please end.

That is all.

-barnmouse

Well. Now that we've gotten that out of the way.

Due to the fact that I have to go to ANOTHER funeral tomorrow, Things on the Road Thursday has been moved up a few hours this week. I was going to just say "screw it", but since I skipped last week too, I just couldn't do that without feeling like I was blowing something off and I hate that feeling.

Sooooooooo.......

Things on the Road Thursday!!! Finally!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

*deep breath*

HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Seriously. I can't be the only one who snickers whenever they see one of these. I can't. Can I? Really? C'mon. I won't tell. I swear. You know you giggle. Just a little. Maybe not full blown hysterical laughter like me, but you KNOW it's funny!

And there you have it gentlefolk. Now I have to go look up a map that will hopefully clearify directions that my dad gave me earlier. Just a note. Random words mixed with "uh" and long pauses do not make good directions. Pass it on.

Your Lucky Numbers Are: 3, 6, 14, 18, 23

2007-03-26T12:03:00.000-04:00

I am so in the mood for Chinese food right now. Anyone else? Wanna order in?

I love Chinese food. It used to be very affordable. Remember that? I think I do. It's been so long, I'm not sure though. Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's just the place that we order from. I've been spoiled though.

When I was growing up, we had this place called "The Hong Kong Chinese Restaurant" that my parents and I used to go to. It was the best! Now I'm spoiled. I have to have my shrimp fried rice made the right way or that's it for your restaurant. And you only get one shot at it. Don't think I'm going to risk another chance for good Chinese food on a place that puts peas in the rice even when asked not to. Oh no. I won't be burned again. It takes me forever to convince Rat to get Chinese food, so I'm only bettin' on a sure thing! Maybe their prices are higher than usual? Maybe I should step out of my (very) little safety zone and try another place? What do you normally pay for Chinese food?

I've tried making it myself. We won't discuss that. I'm in the process of trying to block it out of my memory.

Yeah, yeah. Enough whining. It's not helping the Chinese food craving I'm having now. I've got to go plant flowers anyway before they die in the little plastic packages that we bought them in.

So Maybe This Cold Isn't Going to Kill Me

2007-03-22T00:51:00.000-04:00

Right.

So.

Go ahead. I know what you're thinking.

Where the hell have you been?!

And I have a very simple answer for you:

ON THE COUCH.

That's pretty much it.

There have been occasional trips to the fridge for more tea or diet mt dew. And to the pantry, for croutons. YES I SAID CROUTONS. Shut up. When you're this sick, if you can eat anything, you would be well advised to do so.

I'm still kinda cough-y, so I'm alternating between sleeping in the bed and sleeping on the couch, depending on how badly I'm coughing that day. It always seems to get worse at night. And, on top of that, I've run out of cold medicine. Rat compared me to Minnie Driver's character on The Riches (love it-btw), so no more cold medicine for poor little sick Mouse. *sniffle* (now feel sorry for me right now dammit!)

Last night I finally had enough cough drops to let me go to sleep around 3am. And Rat was so happy to have something to cuddle with that he over slept by almost 2 hours. Whoopsey.

"Star Trek:Voyager coming up next" Um. No. *changing channel*

Ahhhh.....That 70's Show. A steady IV of this show kept me alive last week. Rat found this "Jib Jab" thing about a year ago that had Bruce Willis calling Ashton Kutcher "Ass-ton" and then Ashton called him "B-Dog". It was very funny. You'll just have to take my word for it. K? Alright then.

And can someone please tell me where snot comes from because My Lawd! An entire large box and a half of tissues! And still coughing and sniffling.

Now let's see...have I complained enough? Umm....nope! TV Programers out there! Please! I beg of you! Play something at least half-way interesting between 2 and 5am!!! Seriously. I have run out of recorded episodes of Family Guy. This isn't funny anymore. I need some more cartoons. And a way to get something out of the fridge without getting up. Please get back to me on this last one as it is of the uttmost importance.

Now I have a funny picture for this week's Things on the Road Thursday. And if I can remember to get the cable to attach my phone to my computer I will post it. If not, I have a really funny picture for next week's Things on the Road Thursday.

Hee.

Also, today (or actually yesterday, but I haven't gone to bed yet, so I still think of it as today) is Shadow's birthday! He is SIX! Woo! For his birthday I got him one of those giant bouncy balls that you get from like Target in those big bins. It was very funny. I will post pictures. Maybe. Ha! Anyway, wish mah cute wittle puppy a happy birthday and he will not come and eat you. Anyone who doesn't, you're on your own.

Thank God for Puffs Plus with Lotion

2007-03-13T15:08:00.000-04:00

Oh dear me. Y'all. This cold is kicking my ass.

I've gotten through the "throat so sore I can not swallow" phase and the "sneezing every three seconds" phase, and the "I'm hot, no I'm cold, no I'm hot..." phase, but now I can't seem to get out of the "coughing so hard I nearly barf" phase

*hack hack*

excuse me

I'm running out of recorded things to watch on tv and commercials?!?! Nooooooo!!!

I'm sick of doing laundry. It seems like laundry and blowing my nose are the only two things I've done in a week.

I think Rat is getting tired of me being too dizzy and snotty to do anything.

Speak of the devil, there's the laundry timer thingy now. I would sigh, but it would make me cough.

Does anyone have a sure fire cough remedy?

Anything else to write about? Umm. No. Okay then. I'll be back when the threat of my hacking up snot on my keyboard is downgraded from Red to Orange.

*hack hack*

Ultimate Blog Party Post - Down to the Wire Much?

2007-03-09T11:51:00.000-05:00

So, hi. Welcome to my blog!

It's not about anything specific, just whatever happens to fall out of my head and makes it's way onto the keyboard. Pretty random stuff.

I'm pretty much drawing a blank on the interesting stuff I was going to post at the moment. But how's this...sick. I'm sick. Very sick. Drowning in snot. Blargh.

I do this thing called "Things on the Road Thursday" which sounds kinda gross, but really isn't. I'm not talking "Things Squished on the Road", but just things. Anything that I happen to see and find interesting. I missed this Thursday, but will definitely be back with "TRT" next Thursday.

I have two kitties, one huge dog, and a hubby.

I live in North Carolina. I think that this is the best place to live. I love my state! :)

I'm in the process of starting my own gourmet dog treat business (which coincidentally is what I have up as a prize!) called Canine Confections. I've posted many a picture of different treats on here, so if ya want just poke around in the ol' archives.

I'll be updating this (hopefully) all day as I think of more interesting things, but I wanted to get this up, so I could sign Mr Linky (which I still don't really understand, but I'm not exactly a computer genious like The Hubs).

Sad, Sad Days...

2007-03-07T23:07:00.000-05:00

Y'all, this has been one long week. My mother-in-law died suddenly and completely unexpectedly last Thursday (March 1st). It's been nonstop since then. And it's looking like it's going to be a long hard fight with her new husband, who is turning out to be a con artist. The 1st was her very first day of retirement. She was 62. My heart is just broken. You hear so many "mother-in-law horror stories" that I always just kind of assumed that that was one of the trials of life, but my husband's mother was just the coolest mother-in-law that I could have ever hoped for. We always had an uneasy feeling about this new husband and things that are coming to light now are justifying all the bad vibes we got from him. It's really just awful. I can't believe that my husband and his brother and sister have to go through this.

Sorry this post is so scattered. I'm quite sick at the moment and really didn't know what I was going to say. I just figured that since it had been about a week, I should pop my head in and say hi.

I'll try to get my blog party post (whatever that is) up in a day or so.

And P.S. I don't care how old you are, if you have children, you need a will. You would not believe the nightmare that my MiL not having one has caused. Please don't do that to your children. Losing a parent is hard enough, but to be thrown into this turmoil is just horrid.

No more sad posts after this one, promise!

The Ultimate Blog Party and Dog Treats, Who Could Ask For More?

2007-02-28T22:52:00.000-05:00

Hey y'all! Are you coming? Sounds like a blast :)

You really should! I've got a prize up for grabs (probably). It's a batch of dog treats! Yippie! (Like it would actually be anything else!) I haven't decided which ones, but if any of y'all have a suggestion, please tell me what it is. I'd like to offer up the most desirable of treats! :) I think I've posted pictures of a lot of them here, but here are some that I don't think I posted before.

These are "Muddy Paws" and these are "Puppy Paws"

and these are called "Honey Bunnies"

I know. Cute, huh? I'll pause for all the "oooh's" and "awwwww's".

*waiting*

*waiting*

Okay. Done? Hee! I would love to tell y'all which ones of are Shadow's favorites, but as the "Head of Quality Control" he feels that it's important to stay neutral and gobble up any and all treats offered to him without hesitation. (translation: I have no idea which ones are his favorite because he eats them all like he hasn't been fed in a month!)

Y'all should seriously think about stopping by between March 2nd and the 8th to Par-Tay! Woo!

Edited to add: Yes, I know that the pictures and the names are not lined up. I'm feeling a bit too lazy to fix it now, but I figured that maybe this would suffice until I finish watching Medium.

Three Word Wednesday - I'm Trying It Out.

2007-02-28T13:20:00.000-05:00

I saw this on another blog and thought I'd give it a shot. Bone lists three words and then you write a sentence, story, poem, etc containing those three words. Luckily enough, we redid the kitchen when we bought our house, so I've got it down to a sentence!

The three words are:

Tile
Scarce
Lieu

Here's my first "Three Word Wednesday":

After buying our house, money was scarce, so in lieu of real tile, we bought laminate.

This was fun (true and kinda sad) but fun! I think I shall continue! Hopefully next weeks words will be "replace, flooring, and lottery". Hee!

did you play?

To Continue the "List" Theme...

2007-02-27T15:01:00.000-05:00

1.) What is your middle name? ooooh....almost got me on that one...sneaky sneaky *tsk tsk*
2.) What color is your mailbox? basic black
3.) Are you available? nope...I've been snatched up! ;) hee!
4.) Have you ever hit a deer? No, but because of where I grew up, almost everyone I know has!
5.) Do you have to drive over a bridge to get home? From where?
6.) Do you get the paper delivered to your house in the morning? We get the local paper free every Wednesday. I have no idea why. So I guess, yes.
7.) Who checks the mail in your house? normally me.
8.) Do you have a small driveway? No, but it is incredibly slopped.
9.) Do you know anyone with the same ringtone as you? Nope, and I doubt anyone has it as my hubby had to break out his mad computer skillz to make it for me!
10.) What do you do first in the morning? Feed the cats so they shut up.
11.) What brand is your printer? Epson. I got it for free when I bought my laptop. I love it.
12.) Do you enjoy fighting with people? nope. I'm very non-confrontational. Social anxiety will do that to ya'.
13.) Is your hair naturally straight or curly? Yuck. My hair. *sigh* It's naturally wavey and thick. Pain in my butt!
14.) Who was your kindergarten teacher? Mrs. Wiley
15.) Are you taller than your mother? Yep! HAHAHAHAAAA! ;) Okay...actually, just barely.
16.) Do you have a favorite word? it changes almost daily, so I'm not sure. I can tell you my least favorite word today is "laundry".
17.) Are you God? Err....no... ?
18.) What do you do to get over a broken heart? cook, write, exercise, sleep, and anything else that might work.
19.) Do you have a deep dark secret? not really
20.) Do you enjoy writing in colored pens? Oh yes, very much. To me office supplies=crack
21.) Does anything hurt on your body right now? *blah* yeah.
22.) Do you often cry during a movie? nope, I actually can't remember ever doing that.
23.) Do you hate your life? Umm...no....what odd questions.
24.) Do you get mad easily? I shouldn't, but probably...yes...
25.) What is your biggest pet peeve? People who pull out in front of you in traffic like there's no time to lose and then go 10 miles under the speed limit. Grr....stupid drivers.
26.) What is your away message? huh?
27.) Do any of your friends have kids? Not that I can think of right now.
28.) Who should pay on the first date? Whoever asks the other person out.
29.) How many years older than you are you willing to date? Well...my hubby is 7-8 years older than me (depending on the time of year), so I guess that, although I'm not willing to date anymore LOL!
30.) Do you have any friends? Yes.
31.) Do you have any mean friends? No, I'm an excellent picker-outer of friends ;)
32.) What is the ugliest color in your opinion? Orange. I can't stand it. No reason why.
33.) Have you ever liked someone who all your friends couldn’t stand? No, see #31
34.) Have you ever felt like driving off a cliff? nope
35.) Do you scratch your ears? huh? Like with my foot? Huh?
36.) What brand are the pant/jeans you are wearing right now? LLBean
37.) Do you like your dad? No, I LOVE my Daddy.
38.) Do you have any TV shows on DVD? CSI (the original one), and...*sigh*...I'm ashamed to say "Battlestar Gallactica"
39.) Are you wearing makeup? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....no.
40.) Do you have a tattoo? No, but I really want one. I'm just not sure where I'm going to put it yet.
41.) Do you know how to draw? Oh my Lord, no. And I need some serious help. I've got to draw a cute little doggy to use on the packaging of my dog treats. Can anyone out there draw a cute little doggy? Help me? Please? :)
42.) Who is your hero? My parents
43.) Who did you last IM? My hubby
44.) What do you do when you are stressed out? Ugh. Nothing productive.
45.) Who was the last person to call you? Hubby.
46.) Is there anything you regret? There are a few things, but not many.
47.) Do you know where your family name originated from? Uh...no idea.
48.) Is there an animal that creeps you out? Yuck. Spiders. I hate spiders. Also the octopus and squid creep me the hell out. Icky.
49.) What was the last thing you did for fun? Went out to lunch.
50.) Last time you cried? Can't really remember.

So there you go. Feel free to steal this. Just leave a comment here! :)

Tag!! Apparently, I'm It!

2007-02-26T00:27:00.000-05:00

Alright, I've been tagged by Arlene so here goes!!

Rules: Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things, habits or little known facts about themselves. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things, habits or little known facts, as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names.

1. I can make my eyes vibrate.

2. I do not like ice cream.

3. When I was little, I thought the colors red and orange were evil. I have no idea why.

4. Even though I hate them, sometimes I eat the black jellybeans because they remind me of my granddad because he loved them and anytime I got jellybeans I'd always save the black ones and give them to him.

5. I HATE talking on the phone.

6. I can crack my neck really loud just by turning my head (no hands!), and most people think it's disgusting (but I secretly like that they think that).

7. I could eat an entire bag of goldfish crackers by myself and not be full (but I really try not to).

8. I really hate some of the "classic" books that, as an aspiring writer, I should really like and honestly don't get why they're such a big deal.

9. I'm an expert "hider". I was always the one who was never found during a game of "hide and seek" and I have hidden things so well that they weren't found for years (and no, no puppies!!!).

10. I hate to be touched by anyone I don't know. This old woman at the grocery store patted my arm once and the friend I was with said that it looked like all the blood drained out of my face. I have no idea what I thought she would do to me, but it freaked me out.

So there you have it. Hopefully that was interesting and hopefully the people I tag won't go "who are you?"! ;)

That's right! I'm taggin' you! Jamie (Hyman), Beth, Shell, Susan, and everyone else I can think of has already played. So there ya' go! Hopefully y'all will participate. This was fun! :) Thanks Arlene!

Why Is This So Funny To Me?

2007-02-23T21:30:00.000-05:00

This is what happens to my parent's dock every time the water level rises more than usual and then goes back down. It just stays. This is hilarious to me.

I'm pretty sure my dad has fixed this since I took the picture (I took it over Thanksgiving). But until he got around to actually fixing it, he made himself a little tool to temporarily fix it. How "Dad" is that?

Okay Dad! Quit reading this and get back to work on my spice rack! Hee hee!

Things on the Road Thursday (a little late, but hey, at least it's still Thursday)

2007-02-22T18:39:00.000-05:00

Welcome back Things on the Road Thursday! There was really nothing of interest that I found on the road last week, so I decided to skip it. This week, however, I found tons of stuff. So let's jump right in, shall we?

Okay....it's not really clear from the picture, but these are a pair of pants. On the road. Huh? Pants. On the road. In the middle of a very busy intersection, actually. I really have no other words for this, just a lot of giggles.

I saw this outside of a fast food restaurant while waiting for Rat to get the fries and come on dammit! The funniest thing to me about this (no, it's not the "dork factor") is that someone thought "Hey, I'd better tie this up! Someone may steal it!" Yeah, um...no. I just have this vision of some thug-type guy trying to steal this bike (these bikes???) and jumping on the front part and pedaling off as fast as he can, while the little back one fishtailing like crazy behind him. This makes me laugh hysterically. Which I like. So I thought I'd pass it along to you, so hopefully you'll get to laugh hysterically too.

I saw this on the way to the post office and I just couldn't believe it. I don't even know what they sell, or deliver, or whatever. But "BIMBO"????? OMG!!! Who would name their company that? What's their tag line? "We'll only get it there 2 days late, unless we run out of gas or something."???

So there you have it. This weeks Things on the Road Thursday cracked me up. I hope it made you laugh too.

Just a Quickie

2007-02-21T13:04:00.000-05:00

I'm getting ready to go on my walk/jog/pant pant pant/wheeze and remembered that I took these yesterday.

These are the "Dogzilla" sized Fancy Schmancy bones.

And these are the "regular" sized Fancy Schmancies. I did the carob different on the different sizes, but the "drizzle" can be done on the "Dogzilla" ones and vice versa.

Shadow says "Tastey!"

Enjoy! :)

Hopefully I won't fall down dead on my walk! hee

**Updated to add tomorrow is definitely a t-shirt day!!! OMG It's HOT!!!

God Help You All...I Just Got Photoshop!

2007-02-20T20:15:00.000-05:00

WOOOOHOOOO!!! This thing is fantastic! Rat was worried since it can be kind of complicated (I guess), but apparently he didn't have enough faith in me 'cause this is great!

And be prepared to be subjected to many more of these....

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

No Pain, No Gain...Or Loss...Whatever...

2007-02-19T22:00:00.000-05:00

Does anyone want to take a wild guess why my foot hurts after my walk/run today?

Anyone?

Hmm?

Here's a clue...

Still need more?

Okay....

Here's another clue...

Yeah...that felt nice.

Also, on my walk/run today, I saw this:

It's a turtle! What? Don't you see it? Right there! Here's a close up (sorry, had to take it on my phone, so the quality sucks)

Also, this weeks Things on the Road Thursday is gonna rock! I saw some strange ass stuff this week on the road.

Firsts

2007-02-19T17:06:00.000-05:00

Saw this one another site and decided to take them up on the offer! :)

My Firsts

1. Who was your first prom date? never went, wasn't my thing

2. Who was your first roommate? Hubby

3. What was your first alcoholic drink? My dad gave me a taste of his beer once. Yeah, I only fell for that one once! Blech!

4. What was your first job? I worked for 2 days at some restaurant that I can't remember the name of. Hate.

5. What was your first car? My family's '93 Ford Explorer. a.k.a. "The Exploder"

8. Who was your first grade teacher? Mrs. Harris (I think)

9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? Disney World when I was about 5.

10. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with? myself

11. Who was your first best friend and are you still friends with them? I call her "Super Model" on here, and we had dinner with her and her boyfriend Saturday night, so yes!

12. Where was your first sleep over? My friend Charlotte's house

13. Who is the first person you talk to in the morning? Hubby

14. Whose wedding were you in the first time? My cousin's. I think it was 4 or 5 at the time.

15. What is the first thing you do in the morning? Feed the cats so they shut up and leave me alone for 5 seconds.

16. What was the first concert you ever went to? never went. again, not my thing. I would have much rather been out at the barn.

17. First Real Date? Guy named Joe and I went to one of those Japanese restaurants where they cook in front of you. The food was good, he was pretty lame. LOL

18. First celebrity crush? Jared Leto (in the show with Claire Danes...can't remember the name)

19. First crush? No idea.

20. First TRUE love? My Hubby, Rat ;)

21. When was your first detention? Never had detention

22. What was the name of your first pet? we had lots of pets before, but the first one that was really mine was a big black really fuzzy poofy cat I named Spooky. When my Granny and Papa gave him to me, they had been told he was a girl, so I named him Sophie (after the character in the book The BFG which I had just finished reading. I highly recommend it btw) but then we took him to the vet and they were like "why is this cat named 'Sophie'?" So he got the name Spooky instead.

23. Who was the first person to break your heart? my heart is intact, thankyouverymuch.

24. Who will be the first to repost this? There's no tellin'!

Of Ginger Marinated Hamster Toes and Brown Sugar Glazed Buffalo Boogers

2007-02-19T12:02:00.000-05:00

I don't know if y'all remember, but back then, I was way too excited that we were getting a Trader Joes.

Yeeeeaaaaah.

Apparently, it was really nothing to get excited over.

They took what used to be a Winn Dixie and turned it into a Trader Joe's AND a Staples. And believe me when I tell you that most of that space went to Staples.

This place is cramped and filled with way too many overly excited, very rude people who push you with their carts. This place isn't even big enough for people to walk around with baskets, much less carts! Maybe it's calmed down a little bit there since I went, but I don't see this place every getting "un-crazy" enough for me to go back there. Unless of course I'm in the market for some of the strange ass shit they have there. Hey, try our lastest find! Guatemalan Chocolate Covered Monkey Farts! They're what every dish needs! And great for midnight snacking!

The only things I would ever go back there for are carob (for the dog treats) or this huge bottle of vanilla extract that I saw there for a pretty good price for my homemade marshmallows*. That's pretty much it.

And OMG - apparently, if you buy one of their "special items" of the day...the cashier rings this huge bell thing SO loud (and with no warning) and then hollers something out, but I was too busy screaming and running for the door to hear what it was! I'm sorry, but for skiddish, twitchy people like me, the loud bell and the yelling? Yeah, not a good combination.

When I finally made my way out of there, the outside had never felt so good. I think you could actually cut the anxiety in there with a knife. And the people? OMG The rude people! I could have gone my whole life without being rammed in the butt with a shopping cart. Yeah. That was interesting.

*stepping down off soapbox*

I'll be back later with a dog treat update.

*and the homemade marshmallows? Dee-Li-Shus!

It is Official. I Do Not Have Super Powers.

2007-02-16T17:13:00.000-05:00

Alternate Title - Has the Whole World Gone Retarded?

In the past 30 minutes, I have waited for the slowest person in the world to check out about a frillion groceries in the only operable self check out line in the grocery store, and then waited for her to bag ALL of her groceries in seperate bags (I now know the reason the rainforest is being depleted. It's for her bags!). I have also been nearly backed into by an old lady in a giant Caddy, almost been run over by a minivan, and nearly crushed between my Jeep and a Mercedes Benz that is not going to look very nice as long as the Beeyatch in it keeps driving like that! I mean this lady just HAD to park in THAT space (the whole lane was almost entirely deserted with many spots closer to the store) and could not wait FIVE seconds for me to get in my car and shut the door. She was about two inches away from hitting my door (and getting a dent in her face the shape of my foot). Not to mention she pulled into the spot at about 15 miles an hour! It really felt like she was gunning for me.

Also, I was nearly backed into by some kind of foreign guy (no idea where from, just not here, not that it matters) in a Honda Accord that APPARENTLY could not go more than 5 miles an hour. Even on the road. Asshat made me sit through an entire green light just to find a spot big enough to turn at half a mile an hour. Dork!

Then, to crown it all off, when I pulled onto the street before my street (following me so far?) I got behind some guy with South Carolina plates that, I'm guessing, had no idea where he was going. I hate that. Look. If you don't know where you're going, don't go 20 below the speed limit (when it's only 35 to begin with) looking at every street sign, going slow enough to turn when you see it, when there's a line of people behind you. Go the speed limit. If you miss your turn, there are Puh-Lenty of places to turn around. GET OUT OF MY WAY!

*eye twitch*

At least I have this to come home to:

*That treat you see at the top is a "Pawmesan Wiggle". Hee hee!

SPF - Freeeeeee!

2007-02-16T10:56:00.000-05:00

This week for Stuff Portrait Friday, Kristine's assignment is "Free".

This is my saddle. There was never a time when I felt so free as when I was on a horse. I rode from the time I was 6 until I was 19. I miss it terribly. There's nothing like tearin' across the field at a flat out run. Nothing. No sports car or motorcycle can compare. The sound of thundering hooves. The wind stinging your face. And then you're almost airborn.

Gah! Too serious! Must make jokes! Jokes, dammit! Uhh...

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3-year-old
daughter:

Mother: "What does the cow say?"

Child: "Mooo!"

Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"

Child: "Meow."

Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"

And the wide-eyed 3-year-old looked up at her mother and
replied, "Bud."

So, did you play???

A Little of This...A Little of That

2007-02-14T17:01:00.000-05:00

So. Happy Valentine's Day. If you celebrate it. Which I do! I love Valentine's Day! For reasons which I can not think of now. I know, I know...blah blah blah commercialized blah blah hallmark holiday blah blah blah. I love it when people say that why aren't people romantic all year long? There shouldn't be one day a year to be romantic. Why can't you celebrate your love all year? Well...that would be great, but unfortunately, most guys need a little bit of help in that department. There would be no need for love holidays if we actually all lived like it was Valentine's Day every day! Hey. That's an idea. Why don't we all just do that?! It would be chocolate and flowers all year long!

So. Enough of that mushy stuff. On to more important things. I've decided to finally sit my butt down and make a sort of dog treat "catalog"...or would it be "dogalog"? Hee. Anyway, I think I've got 7 different treats listed (6 with pictures). I am going to have to make the others so that I can have pictures and get all the info, like how many in a batch.

In other news, the cake nameing contest is going well. Slow. But well. C'mon y'all! I read your blogs! I know you're creative! Help me out here! Didn't you see? Free dog treats to the winner! Woo!

Also, the cake is holding up well in the fridge and the Bow Wow Bars are holding up great in the air tight container I have them in. Shadow is in love with both of them.

Shadow no want dog food. Shadow want treats. Now!

Little, Kind of Not Really Related Update

2007-02-12T23:45:00.000-05:00

Well, y'all have gone and done it. I've gotten the dog treat making bug again. He's a pesky little fella that won't leave ya' alone once you've caught him.

So anyway, I decided to try a new kind of treat. It kind of makes me think of a breakfast bar (like one of the Quaker ones they've got now. Fancy people.) so I decided to cut them into bars. Now I didn't want to name them anything "breakfasty", since dogs don't really have a "breakfast" per-se, they just have a "FOOD! FOOD! GIVE ME FOOD! YUM! FOOD! YUMMYYUMMYYUMMY FOOD! HEY, WHERE'D THE FOOD GO? GIVE ME MORE FOOD!" time. Wait. What? Just my dog? Oh, okay. So I decided to go with "Bow Wow Bars". Of course, always open to suggestions, especially better ones. Hee!

I took some pictures (mainly just to entertain myself, and because people like pictures, right? Right?) so I thought I'd share them with y'all here.

still in the pan after cooling

close up

Shadow sized treat! Hee!

Aside from the crumbs (which I just noticed now) this is the more presentable of all the pictures. The treats are about 3" x 3" and Shadow absolutely adooooores them! Normally when I make a new treat, the first time he tries it, he'll ut it on the ground and sniff it for a minute and then lick it, and then finally eat it, but he just gobbled these up. I love it when he does that. He's very good at his job (that being "Official Canine Confections Taste Tester".

Name That Dog Treat! (prize included!)

2007-02-11T12:26:00.000-05:00

Hi y'all. I need your help. I've come up with another dog treat and I can't think of a name for it. It's a doggy cake!!! It could be a birthday cake or just an everyday treat for your poochy.

So, I need your help coming up with a cute name for the cake. It's got peanut butter, honey, and carob (a chocolate substitute) in it, with more melted carob drizzled in top. Here are some pictures.

So here's the deal, the person who comes up with the best name will win a prize! Yes! An actually prize! Assuming you're willing to email me your address (please don't leave it in the comments), I will send you a batch of your choice of dog treats (which we'll go through a little later) in a size befitting your dog (i.e. if you have a small yapper dog, I will make you small treats; if you have a giant dog - like me - I will make you the gigantic treats!).

Now, let's see what y'all got!

Say What Now?

2007-02-09T23:32:00.000-05:00

This just keeps getting more and more bizarre!

I mean What?!

SPF - Red Rover, Red Rover, Please Send Something Red Over

2007-02-09T00:04:00.000-05:00

This week's SPF assignment was "something red". Sounds easy, no? Yeah, well. No. I have been sitting here trying to think of something red AND interesting. So far, nothing. I'm still thinking though.

*thinking*

*thinking*

*THINKING*

Still Freakin' THINKING!!!

Maybe it is time to go take a trip around the house....which in list form translated into:

bring in the dog
play with the dog
feed the dog
give the dog treats
feed the cats
keep the fat one away from the skinny one's food
clean the kitchen
fill the dishwasher
forget to turn on the dishwasher (dammit)
walk around the living room
notice that there is not one red thing in the whole room
walk around some more
actually find something red that I like and that is mildly interesting, as in I don't think y'all will immediately go into a coma and bang your pretty little heads your keyboards after looking at it.
take multiple pictures of said red mildly interesting thing that all turn out the same

And so, here's the picture:

So this was my centerpiece that I made for the Thanksgiving/Christmas holiday. I liked it so much that it is still sitting on the dining room table and I just can not bring myself to pack it up with the rest of the Christmasy stuff. It consists of a cheapo box of small ornaments from Target, a string of shiney beads from I can't remember where, and a weird vase-like thing that came with a blub of some sort that a very strange looking flower grew out of. That flower grew so tall that it wouldn't stand up anymore and I got tired of trying to balance it and just kind of chucked it outside and decided that if it took root and grew then it was meant to be. It's been 2 years and I haven't seen hide nor hair of it, so I'm thinking that it's a lost cause.

So anyway, there is my something red. I hope you liked it. Did you play???

Things on the Road Thursday

2007-02-08T19:11:00.000-05:00

Well...who'd a thought we'd get this far? Welcome to week 4 of Things on the Road Thursday!

This week, for your enjoyment and possibly wonderment, I present to you:

A barrel.

Yup.

It's a pretty crushed up barrel too. It's also been there since about May/June of last year. Just kind of sitting there. Like it's waiting for it's buddies to show up. Or maybe it's injured and waiting for help.

I know, I know. I'm crazy. I feel bad for the poor little smushed up barrel. Reminds me of that commercial where some amorous people knock over the cutest little cow creamer and it smashes on the floor. Then some German guy comes out and says "Aww. You feel bad for ze little cow? Zat iz because you are crazy." The first time Rat and I saw that he looked at me and said "That's YOU!"

So there's our short little TRT for this week. Hope you enjoyed it! Don't be a stranger, now, ya' hear? ;)

But.....I Was Watching That....

2007-02-08T19:07:00.000-05:00

I'm sure everyone's heard about this by now, but if not....

Read Me!

What a shock. I don't think of 19 as middle aged. The odd circumstances surrounding both her death and the death of her son kinda make me think someone's out to get them. Or maybe a genetic thing. Either way. Weird.

Anna Nicole Smith always kinda rubbed me the wrong way, what with the whinning and the unintelligable speaking and such, but to hear about her death just months after her son's really saddens me.

Dirty, Messy, Flour Covered Secrets

2007-02-07T20:35:00.000-05:00

Alright. I am about to tell y'all my dirty little secret. Now, you are going to think that this is weird, but I'm going to tell you anyway. Generally, when I tell people this, I get a "raised eyebrow look" and an "uhh...really?". Yet I am still willing to let y'all in on my little secret.

Why? I don't know. I think maybe I'm feeling a little guilty for all the really boring stuff I have been writing about lately.

So, right. I will just spill it then.

I make my dog's treats. Yes I do. From scratch. I am actually working on making it into my own little business.

I know! How cute is that? It took me awhile to come up with a name that hadn't been used to death.

By the way, you're looking just lovely today. Is that a new haircut?

So, that is my little secret. I make dog treats. Of all different shapes and kinds. With adorable, clever, catchy little names that hopefully will make people just want to snatch them up. Such as "Woofles" (waffle-ish type treats, drizzled with melted carob - because chocolate is not good for our four-legged friends), "Muddy Paws" (paw-shaped peanut butter treats with carob painted on the toes...so they look muddy! These are also a variation of "Puppy Paws" which are the same, just without the carob on the toes), and "Honey Bunnies" (honey flavored treats shaped like bunnies!). And much, much more!

They are all made with wheat flour (unless the doggy had a wheat allergy, then they're made with other things such as rice flour), soy milk (because lactose is also not good for them), and other human food grade goodies.

I had no idea all of this would follow after I spilled my little secret. I'm kind of a nerd like that. I've even gone so far as to make an email address for the biz: treats@k-9confections.com . (Also, too adorable for words)

And....just cause you know I love y'all....

These are the small versions of the "Muddy Paws". Aren't they CUTE???

Shadow is proud to be Canine Confections official taste tester, as are Maddie and her mommy, but mostly just Shadow. I'm even getting slobber-covered applications shoved through the fence from the cute little corgy next door. I made a batch of the "Puppy Paws" for one of Rat's work friend's dog who is very picky about treats and never eats any of them, and she ate ALL of the ones I sent. That's happened with several different dogs actually. I guess with having a dog like Shadow, I don't really understand a dog who is "picky" about treats. I mean, Shadow tries to eat his brush.

So anyway, that's my seeeeecret. Please continue to read my blog. I'm not Martha. Promise.

What Really Grinds My Gears*

2007-02-06T17:47:00.000-05:00

*Yes, I watched the 4 hour Family Guy marathon on Sunday night. Why do you ask?

So back to what is ticking me off. Telemarketers posing as charities. Apparently, since telemarketers are no longer allowed to use the "unknown number" trick now they're using names like "Boston, MA" and a bunch of city names that I've never heard of and am kind of doubting that they actually are cities. Just a bunch of letters stuck together. And they're all trying to get money for policeman balls (which now that I type it, that looks really bad. HEE!) and fireman cotillions or something equally ridiculous. Not that I wouldn't give money to the cops and firemen. Just not for places 2000 miles away. I would think that these people would have a much better chance of getting people to donate if they called people in THAT state. And then they try to guilt you into it when you say that sorry, but you just can't right now. Then they say something like "How about I put you down for just $10?".

That just pisses me off.

It's bad enough that I'm terrified of the phone, but now when I look at the caller id, I have to think if I know someone in that area because sometimes cell phones come up as a city, state instead of the number or a name.

And you can't report these people to the donotcall people because technically, they're a charity and charities are exempt from that, so apparently they can call you 4 times a day if they feel like it (which one of them actually did to me).

Last year, we made the (apparent) mistake of donating to the breast cancer foundation. This year, I get a call from some guy who sounds like he knows me. He's asking me how I am and what's going on. All sorts of weird questions. This guy kept me on the phone for 20 minutes basically auctioning off this package of stuff he wanted to send me. Finally I just said fine and he said that someone would call later on to confirm and get my info and whatever. Can you guess what happened when they called? Yeah. I just let it ring. Eventually they stopped calling.

I'm absolutely no good with telling people "no". Especially people I don't know. I get flustered and my mind goes blank and I can't think of anything to say.

Also, I did not know this, but apparently when you donate to one charity, they give all your information to their "affiliates", so that's why suddenly there are 7 different charities trying to hit you up for cash. It only took one call to get you on 7 lists, but you can't just tell one to take your name off their list, you have to tell all 7. So irritating!

I always think of great things to say about an hour after I talk to them. And I'm just too chicken to yell at them and tell them to leave me alone. Or hang up on them. And I hate it when they just talk over you and won't let you get a word in edgewise. Do they really think they can wear you down and you'll just give them money?

GAH!

Whew...that's better. I think my blood pressure went back down. I'm sure that was kind of a patchwork rant, but it made me feel better. Oh, and be careful when filling out those entry forms at the mall and some grocery stores. A lot of them have fine print at the bottom that says something to the effect of "by signing this you agree to calls from our affiliates" or something like that.

On a totally unrelated note, does anyone else hate those esurance commercials? Ugh! I just despise those. I really don't know why. They just Grind my Gears! (see? see what I did right there? I brought the title all the way around to include my extra little rant. that's talent, people!)

Cuteness Overload

2007-02-06T01:49:00.000-05:00

My dog is talking in his sleep right now.

I can hear him 2 rooms away.

Is this one of those "only cute to me" kind of things? Rat thinks it's annoying, but then I have to remind him of how loud he snores (by replaying the tape I recorded of him snorin' his ass off, oh yes I did).

And for those of you wondering why I'm up typing this at 1:52 in the morning? See above.

Oh Yeah...

2007-02-05T16:04:00.000-05:00

CONGRATULATIONS COLTS!

WOOO!!!

This is the first time in years that the team I was going for actually won! Yay me!

Carnage

2007-02-05T15:18:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the pause. My parents came up this past weekend and I was busy entertaining (and by entertaining I mean stuffing my face with everything from fondue to birthday cake to the best slice of gigantic pizza I've ever had from Sbarro).

Apparently the kitties felt left out since we brought them back no fondue and shared none of the cake or other goodies. And if they thought I was going to share my pizza, they're crazier than I thought.

I say this because when I got up this morning I found this:

Which not 24 hours ago had 4 or 5 colored feathers* sticking out of it's butt. Now it's reduced to have a chilly, bald hiney.

And also, this:

Which, I might be wrong here, but I could swear that the last time I looked at the hot dog buns that they didn't have a huge hole gnawed in the bag and a chunk of hot dog bun missing. But really. Might be just me.

And the culprit?

Who has apparently set his sights on the poor unsuspecting orange, shiney ball. I'm expecting to find toy innards in the dining room any minute now.

*which I can find none of, but rest assured I'll be seeing them tomorrow when I clean out the litter box. pray for me (and for Winston).

SPF - Loosing My Buttons...Uh, I Mean Marbles

2007-02-02T15:22:00.000-05:00

This week for SPF, Kristine's assignment is "buttons" (or something kinda like that. I'm feeling lazy and really don't want to write it down word for word.).

This is a button that I found in the washing machine (or dryer). I have no idea what it goes to. I've looked through our clothes and nothing is missing a button. Are our clothes sprouting extra buttons? Budding? Is this a shirt seed? If I plant it will a shirt grow?

Anyway, here is the little lost button. And no, I can't throw it away. I must find what it goes too. I must! So it will continue to sit on the window sill in the laundry room beside the dryer.

Also, please excuse the horrid fake wood counter top.

Dear Residents of NY, NJ, or CT

2007-02-02T02:32:00.000-05:00

Turn on your tv to the CW channel, call 1-900-288-7529 or text "play" to 66866 and tell them either "cheeseburger", "soda", or "taco".

You could win either $3777 or $500. And even if the word you choose isn't right, you'll still win $25! C'mon! This is killing me! I'm giving you the answers to the "Play 2 Win" word puzzle. (word snake, whatever)

Being a lowly resident of NC, I'm not eligable to play. Gah!

Do it!

NOW!

**Updated to add: I also just found the word "Nuggets"! Seriously....call them...you'll win money! And then you can split it with me for being so smart and wonderful!

Y'all!!! It's TACO! TACO TACO TACO TACO!!!!!

Wow....never let me loose in Vegas.

CALL THEM

**Updated again....I'm also seeing "Calzone"

Please....y'all....my head is going to implode. Where is everyone from New York and New Jersey and Connecticut?!

Y'all are killin' me. I swear, if I knew anyone in any of those three states I'd be calling them right now and screaming "TACO AND CALZONE! TACO AND CALZONE!"

**Updated just one last time: Well...it's over. To my credit, "Taco and Calzone" was right. BOOYAH! See....should have called!

Can't count on me to have insomnia every night. Or can you?

Stuff Posing As Mail

2007-02-01T17:29:00.000-05:00

What is my obsession with checking my email? Does anyone else have this affliction?

I, as you well know, am cleaning my house. My parents are coming to visit on Saturday (yes, this Saturday, and yes, I waited until today to start cleaning. Shut up.) and now I'm in a panic to make sure the house is clean enough. Or at least livable. Rat says our house isn't messy, it's "lived in".

Uh huh.

That's not exactly the look I'm going for.

Wait. The point. There was one, I know it. Oh yes! Obsessive email checking.

So there I am...cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing. Actually making a dent in the dump that apparently is this house. And as soon as one task is done and I'm thinking about what I'm going to tackle next (oh who am I kidding...I have a list for that) and as soon as I walk by my computer *poof* all thoughts of cleaning have left my head and all I can think of emailemailemail!!!! Seriously. I could be done cleaning by now if I didn't have to stop every 10 minutes to check my damn email. And really, no one ever sends me email anyway. Even if there is something there, it's freakin' SPAM! I hate spam. The meat-ish stuff too. Bill Engvall had this to say about SPAM:

"I figured out what SPAM stands for. Stuff Posing As Meat."

So what is the email equivalent? Stuff Posing As Mail?

Hee!

********************************************************

Guess what I just did. Yeah. I did. I couldn't help it. I have no self control.

Okay....back to cleaning, I guess. Or maybe...just one more time....I could check my mail....

While I'm Procrastinating...

2007-02-01T16:17:00.000-05:00

While waiting for Rat last week, I noticed this sign:

How much more do you think it would have cost to put the word "or" between "Bicycles" and "Skateboards" instead of the "-"??? This bugs me for some probably insane reason. And if they were really that concerned about saving the space, they could have shortened bicycles to "bikes". And while we're at it, they could have completely left off the words "on sidewalk" because duh I think we get it.

I just noticed how completely chapped my lips are. How come the more you lick them the more chapped they feel? I've been trying to keep chapstick or lip gloss on all the time, but sometimes I forget. I've tried countless brands and have yet to find one that really really works well. Actually, I have, but I lost it and now I can't remember what it is. Bah. The last one I tried was Blistex Spa Effects. And it was.....meh. It doesn't really stay on long. It smells nice though. Just not very impressive. I would probably recommend some plain ol' Chapstick instead. This will be the next one I try. I'm hoping it will stay on longer. Even with my diet mountain dew addiction.

I Am So Talented

2007-02-01T13:32:00.000-05:00

Yeah....I know....I suck. I wish I could draw. My dad is an excellent artist, although he'd never admit it. My brothers and sister are also extremely talented in that area. I, on the other hand, can draw....a ladybug. And a mouse if I use my thumbprint. Anything else I try to draw turns out looking like a retarded 4 year old did it. And yet, I still try. People say "just keep at it" and "you'll get better", but no. Just no. I've been doodling all my life and it all still looks like crap. Although, that mouse does have a certain cuteness about it. Purely by coincidence, I assure you.

Screwdriver Watch - Day 476

2007-02-01T12:19:00.000-05:00

Screwdriver Update!!!

The screwdriver is no longer on the kitchen counter!

It is now on the kitchen table. Next to my calendar which is (whoops) still on January. The sad thing is that I noticed that when I was taking the picture, and it's still on January. Putting down the camera and turning the page on the calendar was just too much for me. You know, with the risk of paper cuts and all. Those things hurt, man!

In other news, IT SNOWED this morning. I'd say we got about an inch to an inch and a half. Nothing really major, but generally, when it snows here it's in the middle of the night and we don't get to see the big fluffy snowflakes floating through the air and landing on...well...on a big pile of dog poop, okay? Ya' happy now? Shadow gets very excited about snow. Which is understandable since he's half husky. Yep, he's half husky, half pain in the ass. Hee! Anyway, snow just sends him through the roof. He runs around the yard with his mouth open shoveling up the snow and eating it. Of course, his face gets covered with what appears to be the worst case of dandruff ever. But his head is apparently not the only thing that gets overly excited when it snows. So pretty soon, our pretty backyard is no longer covered in a blanket of white. Now it's covered with huge dog paw prints, scoop marks from where he did a line of snow, and little brown blobs scattered about the yard.

But now the snow is melting and it sounds like it's raining outside, but that's just the sound of melted snow running through the gutters. It's very disconcerting. I keep going to the window to see how hard it's raining, and it isn't raining at all.

Keep coming back. This feels like one of those days where I update a frillion times. Before I started writing this post, I had a ton of things to say, and now...poof....they're all gone. But you never know when they're going to return. So stay tuned.

Things on the Side of the Road Thursday, Part 2

2007-01-31T23:17:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I know I missed last week. I was just starting to get sick and felt like death on toast, so I decided to save the picture I took for this week when I could be, hopefully at least a little bit more entertaining.

Now, this isn't really what I had in mind when I thought about doing "things on the side of the road Thursday", but it sort of fits, so just go with it. By the way, are those new shoes? I just love them! They're so pretty and pointy and make your feet look so small! What size do you wear?

Now on to the pictures...

This just creeps me the hell out. On either side, there are live trees that are all pretty and green and have like, branches and stuff. Then there's just this....dead patch. It's spooky.

This particular chunk of deadness is on the way to lots of places from our house so we pass it at least once a month. Whenever we drive past it at night, I always kind of expect to see glowy green fog or something rising from the muckiness. Or maybe a huge mutated rat.

Sorry. That's all I've got for this week's "Things on the Road Thursday". I'll try to come up with something better for next week.

On the plus side, someone here must have seen the last "TRT" because a few days later, the Creepy Santa was gone! Yay! Now if I could just get some flowers planted over by the dead tree patch.

2, 4, 6, 8, Who Do We Appreciate?

2007-01-30T13:15:00.000-05:00

Mom! Mom! Yaaaaaaaaay MOM!!!

Today is my mother's birthday. I believe she's.....yes, she's 37. Or is it 35? 26? I can't ever remember...she gets younger every year! At least every year since I moved out. I wonder why that is...hmm...

Also, this is my 100th post. Wheeeeee!

We were supposed to celebrate last weekend (the birthday, not the 100th post...although, that's an interesting idea) but Rat and I both woke up Friday with something resembling the flu. Only meaner. To be fair, Rat got it worse than I did, but that's probably because he's the one who brought it home. So he deserved it. Ha!

Where was I going with this. Oh yes, we were going to celebrate my mom's 29th birthday last weekend, but we were sick and had to cancel. Which sucked. I was really looking forward to it. So looking forward to it, in fact, that did not clean the house one little bit. At all. Not even a little bit. Unless you count the dirt I picked up off the floor with my socks....which I then took off and threw on the floor.

Now normally when my parents are coming to visit, I turn into a cleaning machine, but this time I just couldn't get into it and I didn't know why. Of course, when I woke up Friday with a migraine and a fever, things started coming into focus. And then going out of focus. Cause migraines are just no fun. Bah.

But we're both much better today, thanks for asking (I'm sure you did. You're so polite.) and I'm trying to make a dent in this pile of laundry. I've got about twice as much since I'm also washing blankets and comforters and pillows to try and get rid of all the sicky germs. The bastards.

Wait. There was a point to this post. What was it? Oh yeah, Happy Birthday Mom! I promise this weekend will be a lot of fun. Way more fun than last weekend would have been. Even if we weren't sick. So you see? It all worked out for the best. And also, the house will be clean (at least somewhat...I don't expect Rat to help since he will most likely be playing the "I'm siiiiiiick" card for the rest of the week. And what's with that anyway? I was sick too. And yet I was the one who had to peel myself off the couch to go get nyquil and mucinex and soup. Why? Can anyone explain to me why grown men become 2 year olds when they get the sniffles and yet women have to walk it off and continue to cook and pick up after our poor sick hubby who just can't be bothered to take his soup bowl back into the kitchen although he had no problem exploding the soup all over the inside of the microwave and now I've lost my train of thought again.). Oh yes, the clean house. Or semi-clean anyway. At least the mound of laundry in the hallway should be gone by then. Mostly.

So....Happy Birthday Mom! I love you and I can't wait until this weekend when we get to celebrate!

Also, HI DAD!!!

Dear Kind of Neighbor Who's Back Yard Backs Up to Ours,

2007-01-28T23:43:00.000-05:00

Is it really neccessary to leave your 10,000w bare bulb porch light on ALL NIGHT LONG??!! I'm sure your little yap dog does not need that much light to poop at 1 am.

Thank you,

Your sick, cranky, sleep deprived neighbor

The Funniest Thing I've Ever Seen....Ever.

2007-01-25T00:31:00.000-05:00

Seriously. Ever.

The Peanut Gallery

2007-01-24T21:11:00.000-05:00

I thought since I've had this here blaaawg for 6 months now, that I would introduce you to my sounding board.

Hi, I'm Winston. I love this picture of me because it makes me look ferocious. In reality, I'm actually just yawning. I do that a lot.

Age: 5 (on January 27th)
Weight: a tad too much, but Mommy is making me eat lite food now. Yuck! I'm still eating it though.
Nicknames: Chubby, Chunkers, Winny Poo, Booger, Poo, Tubby, Porkchop, Wooggie, and Bear
Turn On's include: food, cat nip, cardboard boxes, butter, new furniture, dog food, Mommy's new flipflops, and mail.
Turn Off's inclue: lite food, cute cat toys, being woken up, stairs, closed doors, and LITE food!
Personal Quote: "Seriously, no more lite food, okay?"

Name: Ebenezer (yes, I am a girl. I'm am Crazy, therefore, I needed a Crazy name.)
Age: 8, but I do NOT look it. Look at that face. Not a wrinkle in sight!
Weight: a lady never tells
Nicknames: Neezer, Neezie, Sneezie, Noodle, Sugar Pie, Boogs, and Little Girl
Turn On's include: meat, raw meat, cooked meat, Winston locked in a closet, fun stringy toys, trying to run outside, and meat
Turn Off's include: Winston, strangers, the stoopid dog, not getting meat, regular cat food, and expensive cat toys.
Personal Quote: "I am a pretty, pretty princess. You give me meat NOW!!!"

Name: Shadow, what else needs to be said after this picture?
Age: 6 (March 21st)
Weight: 110-120, depending on what I eat in the yard on any given day
Nicknames: Nut, Doofus, Puppy, Mr. Puppy, Sugarplum (but only when I'm good, so almost never), and Bud
Turn On's include: eating dead things, the treats Mommy makes me, Jumbones ("because a big dog doesn't wanna chew a small bone, anymore than he wants to use a telephone..."), eating more dead things, grabbing the brush while Mommy is brushing me and running around the yard with it, and dead things.
Turn Off's include: people, dogs, cats, birds, meter readers, anything else that moves, obedience instructers, and Milkbone treats. Yick.
Personal Quote: "Play! Play, play, play, play, plaaaay! Playplayplayplayplayplayplay!!!"

Well there you have it y'all. My peanut gallery.

Demon Spawn or Just Talented?

2007-01-22T14:05:00.000-05:00

OR, IS THERE AN
OPHTHALMOLOGIST
IN THE HOUSE?

First, let me start out by saying that I? Am a terrible Googler. I never enter the right words and I rarely get an answer to whatever question that I have. With this specific...um....issue, I've even sat down with a thesaurus to try and find an answer to my question.

So. Here it is. It's kind of hard to explain, so I guess that's why I'm procrastinating. It's going to take a bit of explaining, so here goes.

I can, uh, wiggle my eyes. Like, in my head. Without moving my head. They vibrate. Or shiver. It's really weird and I don't know how I do it.

When I was 5 or 6, a sort of friend of mine ran up to my mom on the playground (she was a "classroon parent" or whatever they call them now) and said "Hey! Look at what I can do!" and then he made his eyes wiggle. I never saw it, but my mom told me about it. I tried it and voila!

It's almost like, I halfway cross my eyes, but they don't cross, and then I uncross them at the same time. It doesn't hurt at all. Or give me a headache. I'd just really like to know what exactly the hell is wrong with me. I have visions of grapefruit-sized tumors in my brain or something.

So please. If any of y'all "Googler-Extrordinaires" out there fell like a challenge...this is a good one.

It's a neat party trick. Some people are enthralled by it and it makes others (like one of my best friends) queasy. Some people ask me to do it everytime I see them, especially if there's someone new there. Other people make me promise never to do it again.

But on the bright side, I've never lost a staring contest.

*Edited to spell ophthalmologist correctly. Thank you Google.

A New Tradition?

2007-01-18T12:24:00.000-05:00

I'm thinking of starting a new tradition here on my little blaaawg. I've been tossing it around in my head for awhile, and it kinda got lost for some time. (Things get lost in my head all the time)

Anyway, what I'm thinking about doing is "Interesting things on the side of the road Thursday". And by "things" I do not mean "squished things". I mean "interesting, random things". Don't worry, if you don't get it, you will after this first one. Although, I'm not sure I'll be able to top this one:

This is without a doubt, the creepist Santa I've ever seen. Not to mention the fact that I took this picture today. Today. January the 17th. There used to be a Christmas tree lot there, but it's been gone since before Christmas. I'm thinking they decided to ditch "Hitler Santa" and find one a little less....disturbing for next year. Because seriously....I'm not buying a Christmas tree from that guy. Something is just wrong there.

So tune in again next Thursday, when hopefully I'll be able to come up with something just as odd, but maybe not so disturbing.

Enough Already....Where are my Brains?!

2007-01-17T14:17:00.000-05:00

"Seriously. Tomorrow. Clean Bathroom!"

This is what I've been reduced to. Having to leave myself Post-It's on my bathroom mirror at 2 am. Who would have thought a 25 year old would be so scatterbrained? To make matters worse, I had written another Post-It note the day before to clean the bathroom and still forgot!

Damn. I need help.

But at least I have a clean bathroom now. For five minutes. Because I live with a man. And instead of spitting in the sink, apparently they think it's perfectly fine to just go "phhhhhhlllllllbbbbbttttttt" all over the damn place.

Next time I'm leaving the note above his sink.

We'll never have to buy wallpaper or new paint again. We can just line the walls with all the post-its I have to use to remind myself to do things. Like breathe.

God Help Us All....

2007-01-16T19:39:00.000-05:00

I just saw a commercial that said:

"Less than 30 minutes until American Idol!"

Isn't that over yet? Who do I need to pay?

Long Overdue

2007-01-16T12:26:00.000-05:00

This morning was the last straw.

I couldn't stand it anymore.

I had to strike back.

I had to......change my voice mail message.

I used to have the generic "Hi, I'm not here right now. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

Apparently, this was not enough for the wrong numbers. They still didn't know that they'd dialed the wrong number.

The last straw was this morning around 8:30 when I thought I heard Rat's pager go off (which he has to answer, no exceptions). So I kicked him and said his pager (which is actually also his cell phone) went off. So he groggily goes down stairs and a few minutes later comes back upstairs with not his phone, but mine. "Wasn't my phone" he said as he balanced my phone on my head. "Huh?" I said. "No one who knows me would call this early in the morning. Oh God, if it's the damn claims people for that Lynch woman again, I'm gonna scream." (little backstory, as soon as I get my new phone with my new phone number, I start getting these automated calls from claims people for apparently the woman who had my phone number before me. I had to call these people THREE times to tell them that That's not me! Stop calling!!!)

It wasn't the claims people. It was someone who kind of sounded like a personal trainer or something telling "John" that "I think it's gonna work out, but I have an appointment at" whenever "and will give you a call back later." Whaaa? He said other stuff too, I'm sure you're wondering "uhh...and how exactly does that sound like a personal trainer?" He did. Really. Promise.

So here's my new voice mail message:

"Hi. This is [my real name]. If you're calling for anyone else, you have the wrong number. If you actually know me, please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I realize that my phone is beeping. Have a good day!"

Hopefully that will help my percentage of wrong number calls. I'd say they were at about 45% before the new message.

And really. Wrong numbers wouldn't bother me so much if those wrong numbers would not proceed to leaving a loooong message. I had this one (apparently) little old lady who kept calling. She apparently wasn't familiar with voice mail and though that whoever she was calling could hear her while she was leaving the message.

"Hello??? Tamika??? Are you there??? Can you hear me??? TAMIKA?!?!?! *mumble mumble mumble* *puts down phone and forgets to cut it off* *weird sounds*"

Treadmillgate

2007-01-16T00:07:00.000-05:00

A discussion that has taken place probably too many times in the past two weeks. But I will not let it go. Will. Not. Let. Go.

Mouse: Can we get a treadmill?

Rat: no.

Mouse: They're on sale right now.

Rat: no.

Mouse: Please?

Rat: no.

Mouse: Pleeeeaaassssse?

Rat: no.

Mouse: pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease

Rat: *still not looking up from computer* no.

Mouse: *pout*

Mouse: Did I mention they're on saaaale?

Rat: yes. and no.

Mouse: But I'll do nice things for you.

Rat: no.

Mouse: I'll do really nice things for you.

Rat: no.

Mouse: I'll wash your truck.

Rat: hmm......no.

Mouse: but....I can't jog on the trails around here because Shadow is a Spaz and the last time I tried jogging with him he tripped me in front of a bunch of guys who worked at the Ford dealership, you know the one where they only sell trucks and I just wanted to die. And I can't jog without him on the trails because they're creepy people that walk on those trails and that one guy followed me and it looked like he was wearing a woman's wig and also a hat and sunglasses, and who works out in jeans? Really! And even though there are all kinds of signs posted that say "Keep your dog on a leash at all times" some people still don't and I'm worried that if their dogs run up to Shadow then he will kill them and it won't be my fault because my damn dog was on a leash and yours wasn't you big loserhead! But then I'll feel all bad and stuff and something bad might happen to Shadow, because he really IS a spaz, so that's why I need a treadmill.

Rat: no.

Mouse: But I wanna get in shape....so I can look pretty.....For you!!!

Rat: *laughing*

Rat: *still not looking up from computer*

Rat: no.

Mouse: *sigh*

**5 minute silence**

Rat: Have you decided what you want to do for your mother for her birthday?

Mouse: no.

Rat: Well it's coming up, you need to figure something out.

Mouse: Okay. How about we get her a treadmill and keep it here.

**Conversation is always sneakily changed somehow at this point. I don't know what happens really. I think he compliments my hair or something and I blush and giggle like an idiot because my husband thinks I'm pretty and awwww**

Screwdriver Watch 2007

2007-01-15T13:34:00.000-05:00

Yup. Still there.

It's been pushed a few inches to the right to make room for the mini cuisinart thingamajigger, but other than that, it refuses to be returned to the toolbox where all the bigger screwdrivers make fun of it.

In other completely random, not even related in the least bit news....

That would be my dog's Christmas present from his grandparents. I kinda hung it there to get it off the kitchen table and sort of....well....forgot about it. Even though it's on the pantry door which I have to open every freakin' day. I'm um...trying to keep the white parts white. Yeah. That's it. We have that horrible clay crap instead of dirt that turns everything orange, including the white parts of my dog. Maybe some day he'll actually get to play with his toy. When I think about it. Which will probably be by next Christmas.

You give me toy! You give me toy NOW or I burst you into flames!!!

And no, he doesn't have pink eye or something....his eyes just do weird thing with flashes since they're such a light blue. Or maybe it's just the devil dog in him. Hee.

Five-Finger Discount Store?

2007-01-12T23:43:00.000-05:00

I stole a pen. This pen.

From CVS.

I totally did not mean to. And didn't even know about it until I got home and was unpacking my bag.

It isn't one of the pens that they sell there, or at least it wasn't still in the wrapping. Hell, it doesn't even come with a cap!

And to make things even weirder (more weird? which is it?) I didn't even sign anything. You know, sometimes, when you have to sign the credit card slip thingy, you kind of wander off with the pen? Like when you see something shiney in the distance? Just me? Okay then. But I didn't sign anything there! So apparently the girl behind the desk was just tired of that pen....or she thought I looked pen-less? Or maybe she hoped it would leak all over my cough drops. Who knows.

But I love this pen. I luuuuurve this pen. It writes so smooth! Even with no cap to keep it from drying out.

I think I'll keep it.

I'm such a rebel.

In other totally non-related news:

I keep trying to put this in the dishwasher. It is on my kitchen counter and I have no idea why. (And no that is not Oak or Walnut or whatever, it is plastic and sucky and I hate my counter tops. Fake wood is just the worst choice ever. And you can't put anything hot on it because it will melt and knives cut it, and hate! Just HATE.)

And why is there a screwdriver on the counter? No clue. I also keep trying to put it in the little knife holder thingy. Am apparently retarded.

Just move the screwdriver already you moron!

But I didn't put it there.

So? Does that mean you can't put it back in the tool box?

Yes.

Why?

Um...

Yeah, I thought so. Stop messing around with the computer and go put the screwdriver away before you try and slice a steak with it or something.

But what if it's there for a reason?

Well how long has it been there?

I dunno....I think I took the picture about 3 days ago...and it had been there a few days before that too.

GO PUT THE DAMN SCREWDRIVER AWAY AND SHUT UP ABOUT IT ALREADY. Oh, and stop talking to yourself. Remember the woman in the grocery talking to herself? You wouldn't even go down the same aisle she was on.

Oh yeah. She was weird.

On My Office Door

2007-01-12T13:15:00.000-05:00

Hee!

I now dub thee sir "sounds like a bad name, but it's really not, I swear, I have examples!"

2007-01-10T20:38:00.000-05:00

Okay....y'all remember many times, long, long ago when I complained and whined about coming up with a name for my hubby, instead of the way overused "Hubby", "The Hub", "The Hubs", etc...

Well, I think I've done it. Now, give it a chance before you go and judge. I was trying to come up with something that fit him, which is where I went wrong. Last night, while not sleeping, again, I decided to try and come up with something. Anything. At. All.

So here's what I've got. I'm mouse, Miss Mouse, if you feel you need to be proper and give me the respect I so rightfully deserve. So. What kind of goes with mouse? Yes! That's right. Rat!

Stop looking at me that way.

Not nasty, glowy-eyed, sewer-dwelling, nuclear waste-eating rat. I mean sweet, cute, fuzzy, chubby, mouth full of food, kind of rat. Like at PetsMart! Or like Steve McQueen on House!
Say it with me now...."Awwwwww"! He's all cute and fooffy and squishy! I am filled with warm fuzzyness and the need to go to PetsMart and buy a rat. See, when I was thinking about what to call my husband on this here blog, my first thought was "hamster". Cause hamsters are larger than mice. But then kept thinking of funny Richard Gere rumor and just couldn't do it. Then I remembered Steve McQueen from House! And ta da! A star was born!

Speaking of things that fill me with warm fuzzies......

THIS is not one of them. That there? Is a freakin' BOOT PRINT on my FLOOR MAT. It magically appeared during one of the last two times I had to take my Jeep Liberty in for recalls. That's right. Plural. And nothing gives you confidence in the dealership mechanics than hearing them say "I don't know how long it'll take to finish. This is the first one we've done." twice in two weeks. Of course, it's all my fault for buying a Jeep that runs on biodiesel because it's better for the environment. Stupid me. Stupid boot-print-leavin' mechanic! Of course, I couldn't notice it until a week after the last appointment. Stupid me, again.

Bah.

Back to things that are shiney and pretty and fill me with warm fuzzies.

This was a Christmas present from my super duper Super Model friend! I luuurve it. It's a journal, and I it didn't show up real well in the picture, but her itty bitty red outfit is made of little sparklies. And I loves me some sparklies! It's also a journal, on TOP of being super cool and pretty on the outside! So I'm supposed to take it with me places and write down all my random thoughts. I have lots of those. Maybe this will help me remember all those things that I thought I'd write about but then forgot, even though they'd be absolutely hilarious and make milk or whatever come out of your nose when you read them. Yeah, I'm trying to do better. I've even written stuff in it already! That will be my next entry. Hopefully.

On a completely unrealted note, has anyone tried the South Beach Diet? I'm starting tomorrow. So of course, tonight, I had pasta. Hee. Had to get my fix, man!

So I'm still waiting on a call from Rat to tell me to come pick him up from work, since he went in again this evening for some thingamajig or other. Don't tell him , but I totally don't really get what he does at all. It's computer mumbojumbo. He can fix anything! (of course, that's only after he breaks it...but still! Fix! Good!) He's so smart. I feel slightly stupid around him sometimes, although I'm sure I know tons of stuff that he doesn't. Like train a horse! Can he train a horse?! No! Didn't think so. Thankyouverymuch. Oh, but if you NEED a horse trained, I'm totally you're girl. Really. In North Carolina? Have a pretty horse you need trained that you're willing to pay me tons and tons of money for? Me! Pick me! OH OH OH!!! *Horshack impression* Seriously though, I taught my horse to lay down. Lay. Down. With me still on his back. Totally felt like a camel! Weird.

Enough advertising. Love me people! Love me! Think I'm cute and pretty! I'll cry. I swear I will.

Meh.

Here.

Here is picture of cute, fuzzy, adorable, squishy, Winston kitty. He always props one leg out like that. Is that weird?

Awww....he's just so cute and tubby! And his teensy weensy wittle kitty feet?! I think I might just cry!

Must go medicate self.

Things I walked into today

2007-01-09T19:03:00.000-05:00

Because this is the most fascinating thing I can come up with to write about today, I bring you "The List of Things I Walked into Today".

1. The wall. I woke up, rubbed my sleepy little eyes, crawled out of bed, headed for the bathroom and ran my entire right side into the wall. On the plus side, my entire left side made it through the door.

2. My exercise bike. My stationary exercise bike. But come to think of it, most of the things I ran into today were stationary. (see #1...those walls don't move around a lot)

3. The dog. Now, granted, he weighs a good 115 pounds, so he was fine, but owww! My poor toe! He has this aversion to having his toenails clipped and for a big boy, Shadow can be surprisingly squirmy, so I just kind of rely on the asphalt to wear them down, which actually works pretty well, but since I've been such a slacker lately I nearly impailed my TOE on his talon-ish claws. (wow...what a run-on sentence)

4. Another wall. I wasn't even sleepy this time. Or drunk. Bad wall. Bad. Hate.

5. The coffee table, but I'm constantly running into that damn thing. I think I have a permanant bruise on my leg from where the leg does this "hook" thing. I should take a picture. I'm pretty bored now.....so.....yeah. Yes. I'll take a picture.

6. This doesn't really count as running into something, but I was walking out into the garage and we have three steps that go down to a little landing and then there's a turn and you walk down two more steps. Most of the time, I get this right. Not today. I got down the first 2 steps okay, but then somehow, I managed this wiggle, twist thing and ended up facing the door, which I grabbed onto pretty hard. So #6 is "imaginary thing in garage".

7. The refrigerator. Also kind of an everyday occurance.

Gee. I really think I should start watching where I'm going.

8. I can't think of anything else, but the day's not over yet. The closer it gets to bedtime, the more likely I am to slam into some other random thing and cause slight, yet funny injury to myself. So check back later for updates.

Edited to add: The picture that I took and then totally forgot to include, AND a #9! I ran into the vacuum cleaner while vacuuming. Although I can't decide whether I ran into it or it ran into me. I mean, we were both moving at the same time. Considering that it ran over me, I think I'll say that it's a tie (since I was actually pulling it at the time).

Oooh that smell....Can't cha smell that smell....

2007-01-08T23:15:00.000-05:00

Oh My God.

The "Mysterious Smell".

That's just hysterical.

Our conversation over dinner (of pizza....I am such a gourmet chef. yeah, me and Papa John) consisted of "gee....WHAT could that smell be?"

Hubby nearly choked on his pizza.

That was hysterical too.

Because he didn't actually choke.

I think my favorite idea of what that "Mystery Smell" could be (that was the headline on the news channel we watch....."Mysterious Smell") was something about how Taco Bell must be having more problems with their food. Okay, maybe you had to be there. But I was there and it was FUNNY!

On a totally unrelated note, except the fact that they were both on the news, I'm guessing that everyone who watched the news saw the same clip about the Nigerian terrorists that are trying to destroy the oil and all that. Did anyone else but me notice when they panned the camera and got the whole group of guys, that there was this one guy....um.....wearing nothing but underwear? (Everyone else was wearing pants and such) And not just any underwear....the kind of underwear that little boys wear that generally have Spiderman or Blue's Clues or something like that on them!

Yeah, then it was my turn to almost choke on my pizza.

But I didn't.

And also, our new sports guy? Hate! Moron. It's DUKE! Not "The Dukies". Idiot. Grr.

To the Butt Puppet in the Yukon XL

2007-01-08T22:51:00.000-05:00

Yeah. Hi. It's me. The poor little girl in the Jeep Liberty.

First of all, THAT WAS A TURN LANE! Not a swerve-into-and-speed-up-to-eleventy-thousand-miles-an-hour-and-then-cut-me-off LANE! Yeah. I kind of noticed that. I also noticed how you didn't take your foot off the brake except long enough to run up within an inch of that poor Rav4's spare tire.

Listen Dude (I'm sure you like to be called "Dude"), you're not driving a Miata. Your car is....well...it may as well be a van. And not one of those minivans, either. It's something that more resembles the "short bus", which is definitely fitting, if you get my drift.

There are other people on the road. Like ME! MEEE!!! Didn't you get the memo? This is MYYY road! MINE! Now get off it DERF WAD!

I shouldn't have slammed on the brakes to let you in. Actually, I shouldn't have had to, since you were only 2 cars behind me before you decided to pull the "let's get 3 cars ahead" stunt. Did you think that you were going to get to your destination faster than me and the 2 other cars behind me? Is that how you "win"? Yeah. OK. You're the big man now Mr. My-car-is-20-feet-long. You beat me. I surrender! *waving little white flag out of driver side window*

I see this kind of stuff here all the time. I feel like I'm back in Manhattan. Those people drive crazy, man! Especially the cab drivers. We had a harrowing experience trying to get to the airport in one of those. I won't get into it now, but it involved me sitting in the back seat, hiding my face in my husband's shoulder, only to peek out and kind of quietly squeek "RED LIGHT RED LIGHT RED LIGHT!!!!!" Because there was a RED LIGHT and the dude was not slowing down. In fact, he did not slow down. Apparently, he had the timing of these lights down and knew it was going to turn green when we were about 10 feet from the intersection. This happened, oh, maybe 5 lights in a row? By the 3rd, I had just given up and was convinced that we were all going to die. But we didn't.

One scary thing I did see here in NC was this other guy (also in a giant SUV*) playing Speed Racer around all the people on this one specific road that's 45, but we all kind of go 55. We're rebels like that. He got to the point where he was behind this poor little Asian lady (maybe 45?) and she was in the left lane, which we all know is the FAST LANE PEOPLE! Well, he did not take kindly to that. He could have gone around her. But noooo. He needed to teach her a lesson. So he rode her bumper for about 3 or 4 miles, and when she didn't comply and bend to his every wish, he swerved around her, pulled up besider her, rolled his window down, and proceeded to SCREAM bloody hell at her! What an asshat! When I finally got up to passing her, she was hunched over the steering wheel, obviously intently concentrating on the road and where she was going and how she was driving.

I had never seen anything like that before. And I remembered reading about the guy who got into an accident with a lady, and he ended up throwing her poor, little, old dog out into traffic where it got run over! I couldn't imagine what I would have done had that happened to me! Good luck getting your hands on my 115 pound, very mean dog and throwing him into traffic without at least losing an arm and a lot of blood.

Enough of this harping on the derf wad in the Yukon XL. It's just working me up again. I thought writing was supposed to be cathartic. I think I just felt my blood pressure spike. And I'm rambling. And that's just not good for anyone. Also, the sentence fragments. Bah.

The World Has Been Taken Over by Aliens!

2007-01-07T17:07:00.000-05:00

Oh no, wait, that's just what I've been forced to watch for the past several hours.

Y'all...the world is coming to an end.

Yes, that's exactly what it looks like. The gods smiled on "The Computer Whisperer" while we were at Target today. Whenever we go there, he always leaves me with the cart and books it over to the electronics section and plays the PS3 they have set up there, much to the dismay of all the little kids there waiting in line for him to die (in the game, of course). Today, he did the same thing, but then noticed that partially obscured behind the PS3 sign, was in fact *gasp* the actual console....and it was For! Sale!

I learn all about this after I drug the shopping cart all around the store and loaded up, what appears to be, our yearly supply of Mt Dew and Diet Mt Dew, plus a six pack of Dr Pepper, just for diversity (when in fact, it's just about a 3 weeks worth....hee hee), and found the dish soap because we have to buy it from Target, IT'S ONE DOLLAR CHEAPER OHMYGOD.

I make my way over to the game department, trying not to step on the little kid who is making it his immediate goal to get run over by a 300 pound shopping cart filled with diet mounting dew goodness, and Hubby glances at me, while still playing the game, and says "What would you say if I bought this?".

Um. Yeah. What?

Obviously, he won that one.

Now answer me this, wouldn't you think, if you bought a $599.99 game console (PLUS TAX) that a game would come with it? Yeah, that's what I thought too. But no. NO! NO FREE GAME FOR YOU! So $60 extra (technically $59) for a game so you can use the damn thing.

At least he's happy. This is actually his birthday present, which is in February. The end of February. Oh well, at least I got a fleece jacket thing out of it all.

So let's recap....

PS3 = $599 (PLUS HELLA TAX)
PS3 game = $59 (see above parenthases)
fleece jacket for me = $12 on clearance

Yeah. That's balanced.

I'd better go, I think the aliens are trying to take over again.

Oh yeah, and I went a little link-crazy. Sorry 'bout that.

I thought it was cute...but then...

2007-01-05T12:53:00.000-05:00

I just unloaded all the Christmas pictures from my camera, because, well, it was starting to feel kinda heavy. And I tried to take another picture, and I think I heard it scream.

So, when I was going through all the pictures, I came across this one:

It looks like someone has gutted the reindeer and his intestines are spilling out. And that pose. His little hooves waiving around all "help me help me". I think maybe next year I'll try to find a different way to wear my hair with the reindeer scrunchie.

We Are Family....something something....Sisters and Me!

2007-01-03T21:55:00.000-05:00

Hi y'all. I don't know if this actually made the news all around the country (most likely not, although the chemical fire did!) but our state has lost one of it's schools due to a fire (not the one at the chemical storage facility). Eastern Guilford High School was destroyed by fire on November 1 or last year (wow, it feels funny to say "last year"). Now that's not just any high school. It happens to be the high school that my little sister attends. Or at least attended. All the students are scattered about now. It especially sucks for her and her fellow seniors since their last year is not going to be what your senior year of high school is supposed to be like.

I've been trying to think of an idea of how I could help, and then it hit me! The blog. Duh.

They are accepting donations online here and here. And they're also selling these very cool t-shirts and hoodies here.

I've been wearing mine for a few weeks now to show my Wildcat Pride! The shirts say "Fire may burn our building, but nothing can destroy our pride" and are very comfortable!

So go to their website and splurge on a shirt (or two.....) or make a donation (no matter how large or small). Every little bit counts! These kids need their school back!

And now back to your regularly scheduled programming....

Year-End Meme....

2007-01-03T17:13:00.000-05:00

Okay...I've never done one of these thingys before. I have no idea what they are, much less how to pronounce the word "meme". Is it like that thing singers do to warm up? "ME ME ME ME ME" Is it pronounced "may-may"? What is it? I'm confused. But that's not rare.

So I stumbled across this one at The Write Coast and thought it would be a good way to say goodbye to 2006 and hello to 2007, and I know I promised not to do that, but I guess I'm at a loss for interesting things to say here. I thought I'd give this a go.

Year-End Meme

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
colored my hair

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I kept half of them. Does that count?

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I know people who had kids, but no one close to me.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank God!

5. What countries did you visit?
umm...I could list the counties that I visited.

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
less of me.

7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
March 23rd, that's the day I landed in the ER after my dog bit me.

8. What was your biggest achievment of the year?
Completely cutting Mt Dew out of my diet and only drinking diet mt dew.

9. What was your biggest failure?
becoming a slacker after my hand got hurt and gaining back all the weight I lost in the beginning of the year.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
see #7 and I also had the flu twice

11. What was the best thing you bought?
the hubby's car, "Blueberry"

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
too many people to name, mostly my parents :)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
geeze....let's start counting, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears (except when she dumped her loser husband), Paris Hilton, the list goes on and on and on, but somehow they all seem like the same person.

14. Where did most of your money go?
bills bills bills

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Hubby driving us on a little nature drive through the park. I actually got to look-out-the-window!!!

16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
nothing really, wait until 2008 and ask me again.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a.) happier or sadder? happier
b.) thinner or fatter? the same as last year. Down 10 pounds and then back up.
c.) richer or poorer? again, the same. which isn't bad, but I guess isn't good either

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
exercise

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
complaining

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my family

21. Did you fall in love in 2006?
I fell in love several years before and am still there

22. How many one-night stands?
er, none?

23. What was your favorite TV program?
oh jeeze. there are so many. House, Heros, Bones, Supernatural, Firefly, CSI

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
nope :)

25. What was the best book you read?
Odd Thomas

26. What was your greatest music discovery?
really....no idea.

27. What did you want and get?
a panini maker from my grandma :)

28. What did you want and not get?
my lovely Chi hair flatiron :(

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Serinity

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Nothing fancy, a yummy dinner. I turned 25.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not being bitten and ending up quitting my exercise routine.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
uhh....well...my jeans now have little sparkelies and stuff on them? So...I guess I'm movin' on up!

33. What kept you sane?
WHO SAID THAT?!

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I really don't fancy any celebrity or public figure.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz........

36. Who did you miss?
My grandpa, but I miss him every year.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
My friend Super Models boyfriend. I call him "Suds". They're really great together...until the boys get into a video game and leave us out :(

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.
Hair is just hair. It will grow back. Who knew?!

One year ago today:
I think I was still procrastinating about putting away Christmas presents and taking down the decorations....kinda....sorta....exactly like this year.

So....how about you?

Happy 2007

2007-01-02T17:36:00.000-05:00

*dusting off computer*

*cough cough*

This is the first time I've turned on my computer since I packed it up to take to my parents Christmas Eve.

I took the last week and a half of 2006 to be fat and lazy and bum-ish.

It was sad to see 2006 go, if only for all of the checks that will have to be voided out because my dumb ass wrote "06" on them. It was easy last year. You can turn a 5 into a 6 very easily. A 6 into a 7, however, not so easy.

Okay....enough of that "Bye 2006, Hello 2007" stuff that I'm sure everyone is writing about.

So...umm...what did you do over your Christmas vacation?

hehe....just kiddin'

Well....now I've just completely run out of things to write about.

The cats got a kitty bed for Christmas and even though they both fit in there at the same time, everytime one catches the other in there, they get booted out. It's very funny to watch.

That last bit reminded me of that Monty Python line "Now for something completely different!"

Hey, give me a break, I'm rusty at this. I'm coming out of my "lazy coma". I ran out of things to say 10 minutes ago. I'm just trying to post pone the ironing I know I have to do as soon as I'm finished with this.

ppppppphhhhhhllllllbbbbbbbbttttttttttt!

Stuff Portrait Friday, Holiday Edition

2006-12-22T13:14:00.000-05:00

Well....here it is. My first SPF in like, what seems like forever! I've been a big slacker in the SPF Department. (not to mention the Blogging Department) So lets get started.

1.) One Ornament

This is my marshmallow snowman. I've been kind of obssessed with making homemade marshmallows lately, so when the Hubby and I went to pick out our yearly ornament, this just seemed to fitting! Not to mention how freakin' cute he is!!!

2.) Something Stuffed into a Stocking

This here is my Christmas Rat. My Great Aunt Babbie made him for me. He usually has a candy cane cane (okay, that was weird). Anyhow, this is him, stuffed into a stocking. He's actually still there. I forgot to take him out while I was trying to figure out which present to take a picture of.

3.) One Present

This is a present for my dad. I can't tell ya' what it is, since my parents sometimes read this. But I can tell you what the bag says, which, in my opinion, is even better than the present inside. So here goes...

"Top 10 Reasons I Bought You This Gift..."

10. I'm lazy
9. I'm cheap
8. I don't really know you that well
7. 50% OFF!
6. Irregular Item
5. Regifting
4. Brown nose
3. WRAP a gift?
2. You got me a gift
1. It fit in the BAG!

Hahahahaha! That just cracks me up.

Well that's my SPF, suddenly I don't feel like such a slacker ;)

Did you play?!

There's no place like home

2006-12-15T11:13:00.000-05:00

Ya' know, everyone moves away from home. And that's a good thing. The kids are glad to be out. The parents are glad to finally have their house back to themselves. The house is probably glad too.

But there are those times, when something happens, that the first thought in your head (no matter how old you are) is "I WANT MY MOMMY!!!".

Like now. When I just ran over my foot with the door to the closet. All I could utter was "ow". But I was screaming in my head.

My parents live about 2 hours away. Which is not bad. Two hours is a very short distance in the scheme of things. But I doubt they'd drive those two hours to look at my poor purple toe. I mean, there's not even any blood. But ow! It'a amazing how much pain the combination of a door and toe can make. And it's not even a big toe. It's the toe that, according to "finger law" should be called the "ring toe". According to "Little Piggy Law" it's the little piggy who had none. Man, this poor piggy sure got the short end of the stick here.

And yes. I did write a whole blog post about my toe. Yes I did.

For Goodness Sake...

2006-12-13T16:47:00.000-05:00

Prepare yourselves for the hilarity to come......

Okay....my camera flash does funny things to his eyes, but OMG!!! This is just hysterical to me!

Winston did not find it as funny as I did, however. But he got treats out of it, so he's happy now and back cuddled up on the couch.

He's got a Santa hat too. But we'll save that for tomorrow. Gotta space out the funny.

Oh Holy Crap...

2006-12-12T20:28:00.000-05:00

Just to show y'all that I'm serious about posting more than twice a month....ha ha....here's a little Christmas ditty I wrote about the kitties....

Un-Holy Night
(to the tune of "O Holy Night")

Unholy night
The cats are barfin' up stuff
That isn't food
Or even recognizable

All on the floor
Are little paw prints of dirt
Wait, that's not dirt
Oh gross, now someone's getting hurt

Now late at night
Winston finds a piece of plastic
Still not full,
He eats four of my elastics

Now, in the dark
At two AM
I step on something

Oh my, it's wet
And soaking through my sock
Please someone kill me

Oh kitties, of mine
Oh night
Unholy night.

*curtsey*

I also wrote one about the dog, am working on one about the hubby, and also wrote one about me after I dyed my hair and it came out red. Yeah, that was nice.

Negative Nancy

2006-12-10T23:33:00.000-05:00

I swear I'll do better. Things have been nuts around here lately. This weekend has been non-existent.

Friday was spent cleaning since my parents were coming up around noon on Saturday.

Saturday, was "parents day" and we went to A Christmas Carol at the Theatre in the Park which was SO EXCELLENT! I highly recommend it. It was hilarious (but that's okay, it was supposed to be). The Director/star of the show (a.k.a. Ebenezer Scrooge), Ira David Wood III and he just totally made the show. He adds in things that have happened in politics or entertainment news or whatever lately and he has you laughing the entire show. I think it was nearly 3 hours, but it didn't even feel like half of that. The crack about Britney Spears and her underwear or lack-there-of still has me crackin' up! Anyway, he's been directing and starring in the show for 32 years and this was his last year, which is terrible. I doubt the show will ever be the same without him. Yes, I totally recommend it.

Let's see. Hmm. Oh, then we went to this Italian restaurant that's right by the theater and were forced to choose between waiting an hour and a half to two hours or all eight of us could sit at the bar. And eat Italian food. Fun. Guess which one we choose? Yeah, we all sat at the bar. And couldn't talk to anyone sitting more than one person away from us. And we had to deal with people coming up and ordering drinks while we were trying to talk. Excuse me much?

Didn't get home until late because well, my Dad's insane. I think he figures that he's been driving for so long that everyone else should just have to get out of his way. Everyone. Including street signs. And medians.

It was a fun drive home.

We also directed him to a house several streets away from us that, no kidding, has every single one of those blow up Christmas things that they make. Also lights EVERYWHERE, a family of caroling snowmen (and women) and another family of penguins. And other assorted doodads. It was entertaining.

Sunday, WE FINALLY GOT OUR CHRISTMAS TREE!!!! Yippee!!! I am a Christmas nut. A "Chestnut" if you will. Although, no roasting on an open fire. Yet, anyways. I don't want to be one of those "have-the-tree-up-before-Thanksgiving" people, but the first week in December would be nice. I, however, live with Negative Nancy. I couldn't think of a better name for him for several months now, but I think I've finally got this one pinned down. He was the one repeating "It's just awful" at the 'enthusiastically lit' yard. He's the one that insists we don't get a tree until two weeks before Christmas. AND that we take it down before the new year (and when I saywe I mean me). Oh, and doesn't help me decorate the tree at all, but that's okay, I kind of prefer to do it myself. That way it's done right. ;) hee hee

We also had the annual TaeKwonDo Christmas banquet thingy today. Wow. That was fun. Lots of people I don't know, getting lots of awards, and lots and lots of me clapping for them or risk looking like a tool. It actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. We ended up being sat next to some really nice people, so that made it bearable. Also, we found out that "Negative Nancy's" instructor is a year YOUNGER than ME! OMG! We had no idea. We were thinking late twenties, and he was thinking maybe early thirties, but he's 24! Ha! That'll show us.

Now we're home and finished watching Firefly, which is just a great show and they should have never taken it off the air, for no reason! And Battlestar Gallactica just ended (thank God). And the tree is decorated (and soooo purtay). And I guess it's about time to try and go to sleep. And this is just about the worst blog entry I've ever written.

But, tomorrow (I think) I will take pictures of my dog in his Christmas "get up" and post them here. And if y'all are really good, maybe I'll take some pictures of the kitties in their Christmas gear and post them. One has a Santa hat, and the other has light-up reindeer antlers. HA! So cute! They hate me so much. Except the dog. He's kinda dumb. But we love him.

Oh, and Christmas shopping? What Christmas shopping. Christmas is like 2 months away, right? Right? Hmm.....maybe I should get on that then!

Yes, I have actually fallen off the face of the earth

2006-12-04T12:18:00.000-05:00

Y'all...it's been so long I forgot my password.

I keep thinking of things to post about, but then forgetting them since I'm thinking of all the neat ideas while lying in bed going to sleep. So then I'm left with lame entries like this one.

Nothing much has happened around these parts lately. Except that I dyed my hair!!! Yes! I did! I've been wanting to for awhile now, but I just never had the guts. I went from dark blonde to brown. And it only took me 2 attempts! Ha HA! The first time it turned out nice and red. ACK!

Red hair + Me = NO!

So since I just did semi-permanent, I could do it again (thank GOD!). I would really hate to have to shave my head.

Anyway, that's about all that's been going on here.

I've also been thinking (notice I just said thinking) about Christmas shopping. Haven't actually done any of that yet. Yeah. Remember that little conversation we had about me being a slacker? This is just more of that. And boring.

I've also really got to go see how much it's going to be to print out my family cookbooks and put them all together.

But for now......

More Procrastination! Yay!

What? Huh?

2006-11-20T02:05:00.000-05:00

Umm. Yeah. I'm a total slacker.

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. I am, of course, appologizing to the like 2 other people who read this, but nonetheless....sorry. Total slacker. Me. Yup.

Thanksgiving has totally snuck up on me this year. Normally I'm anxiously awaiting the third Thursday of November, but this year...I remember blinking on Halloween and then suddenly it's 3 days until Thanksgiving! What? Time, where did you go?

I am now on the edge of my seat. Convinced I'm going to forget something. I'm like this every year. And generally....I end up forgetting something!!! I go waaay past "prepared" at home with list after list of what I'm bringing, what I'm making there, the ingredients that I need, the utensils, etc...etc...etc... I mean, at this point (Monday morning at 2:11AM) I've already got the ingredients that I'm taking with me on the counter with my recipe book and my (don't laugh) (I mean it) Thanksgiving notebook. There. You're laughing aren't you. I know you are. Don't lie. I'll wait while you calm down. Yes...I drew a turkey on it...and yes, also I wrote "gobble gobble gobble" beside the turkey's head. I am a dork. Did you not know this by now? Have you not been paying attention?

I'm also making a few things before we go (Wednesday night) and then making something when we get to my parent's house (Wednesday night also), and then making a few more things on Thursday. I'm terrified I'm going to forget something. I wasn't this nervous when I got married. But come on...this is Thanksgiving!!!

I'm afraid I've rambled a bit. Uhh. Yeah. Sorry.

Sooo....hmm....anything else?

Only this...

Mmmmm.....test-run apple pie!

And yeah....that IS a homemade crust too.

............drool...........

oh yeah, I have a blog...

2006-11-14T19:28:00.000-05:00

Oops...

I've been off in LaLa Land over the past couple of days....and by "LaLa Land" I mean "sick on the couch" and by "couple of days" I mean "nearly a week". OK. "Enough" with the "parenthases". (P.S. """""") Okay, I'm done. I mean "done". HA!

Nothing much has happened, except that my hubby took the test for his yellow belt (TaeKwonDo) and PASSED!!!! OH YEEEEAAAAH! LOL He was (and should be) very proud....and so was I! I still am! And tonight was the ceremony type dealy where he actually GOT the yellow belt.

I have to say....I am VERY disappointed in the parents and spouses that attend these things. I have never seen a larger crowd of uninterested people IN MY LIFE. We got there on time for the testing on Friday, but apparently people knew to get there earlier than on time, so I got stuck in what I like to call the Peanut Gallery, which is the little room that people who go to watch regular lessons have to sit. During testing and whatnot people are allowed into the main room because there is just no room in the "Peanut Gallery".

Now, as I said, I got stuck in there. The fat lady beside me (I would not normally label someone as "fat", but there's just no other way to describe this woman) took up the seat beside her with what could only be described as an 8 pound bag of M&M's and constantly munched on them between yelling at her kid to sit down (which he did not do) and well....eating more M&M's. The man in front of me, who was about 11 feet tall, with a wing span....I mean ear span of about 3 feet....kept blocking my view and chatting with his "friend". (there I go again with the parenthases) And right after we all stood to say the Pledge of Allegiance, I had already sat down, and he was halfway sitting down (you know the pose....like, sticking your butt out) and he decided that this would be the time to DIG FOR GOLD!!!! Right in my FACE! OH MY GOD!!! EWWWW!!!!! It was all I could do not to bust out laughing. I nearly had to go outside. Anyway, then there were the parents who thought it necessary to bring their young kids that are just too young to sit and be quiet for an hour and a half. And allowing your kid to just scream their heads off when they're not the ones getting attention that they think they deserve is not permitted there, so we had parents going in and out of the rooms constantly. It was all very destracting and I only got 3 decent pictures of the hubby doing his test.

And today....ohhh....don't even get me started today. We got there early so I could get a seat in the "big room" (I feel like the adult that always gets forced to sit at the "kiddy table" at Thanksgiving). I got me a seat in the front row! Yay me! Then, this woman with pigtails down to her KNEES sat next to me. While I thought she was a bit odd, I thought it would be fine. Until I realized that she brought a BOOK TO READ during the CEREMONY!!! WHAT?! Then she said something to one of her 3 kids (one of which I would swear was a girl but was NOT...oops) her breath nearly KNOCKED MY ASS OUT!!! I have never smelled breath THIS BAD. EVER. I thought I was going to vomit. It was horrible. Then there was the kid who wanted to grab my hair sitting behind me and when his mother wouldn't let him, he screamed. In my ear.

I don't have kids. And after this, I really don't want them. Actually, I think the blame lays on the parents on this one. Kids are kids. They scream and talk and can't sit still. These tests and ceremonies are planned a YEAR IN ADVANCE PEOPLE! You can't find a babysitter in a YEAR?! LEAVE the little kids at HOME. PLEASE! For my sanity.

Okay....I'm done. *stepping off soapbox*

SPF- Yes! I mean NO! Well...maybe...

2006-11-10T12:40:00.000-05:00

Let's jump right in, shall we?

1.) Yes!

Okay....what that should read is "Yes! I am a huge dork!". I bought this dried fruit 2 weeks ago at the grocery store and then couldn't find it again. I was devestated! Then yesterday, I went into a different grocery store and realized that "dumbass!" (me) had been searching the shelves in the WRONG GROCERY STORE! On the plus side, I made a little kid laugh when she over heard me talking to myself about what an idiot I am! So this is my YES! YES YES YES!!! I'm so happy I found it! Yaaaay! AND....it's dried fruit! So I can have more than one piece! YES!

2.) NO!

This is my dog. He's boycotting outside. That look means "No. I wanna stay inside with my cows" (the two stuffed toys beside him are cows. one moos. it's hilarious. but not at 3 in the morning.) When I took this picture, I had the back door open to the garage and the garage door open to the back yard. He pretty much has a straight shot. But nooooo. Can't be bothered. He says "Hmm....outside. I'm thinking that's a no. I will take some treats if you have them though."

3.) Maybe...

Will I clean this pan? Won't I clean this pan? Meh. It's still up in the air. Can't I just throw the dirty pans away? Please? (on the plus side, I did clean that bowl!)

Did you play? Yes? No? Maybe?

it was bound to happen....

2006-11-09T16:39:00.000-05:00

Well....my first cold of the season is well underway. I've had a sore throat for a few days and have developed a cough over the past 2. Urgh.

My parents are coming up this weekend to see if my hubby "the computer god" can do anything with my mom's computer. She's been frustrated with it for a while now and I'm afraid we're going to get a call from her saying "Never mind about looking at my laptop. I've just thrown it in the creek." I actually would only be marginally surprised.

I got a phone call from my dad this morning, apparently being stuck in traffic is always a good time for calling me! Hey...I'm not complainin'! It's rare that my dad and I talk for more than 5 minutes on the phone. Neither one of us is much of a phone person. Last night, I called for my mom and she wasn't home and duh, I knew that but totally forgot, but I ended up going on and on about my "French learnin' ". He was actually interested, which somewhat surprised me!

Anyway, back to the point, he said something along the lines of "Tell (the hubby) not to worry about looking at your mama's computer. We're just going to get a new one and stop fussin' with her old one." I've gotta tell ya'....I saw this one comin'. Everytime either one of us (hubby or me) gave advice about speeding her computer up or other improvements, she'd say something like "Don't you think I just need to get a new computer?". hee hee.

Subtle.

I'm pretty sure I've passed on my fear of electronics to my mom. Can you do that? Pass things on backwards? Granted, this laptop (that I got last Christmas) hasn't given me any problems...yet... Pretty much all other electronic things hate me. What? You want an example? Well okay...if you insist. In...let's see....2000, I think, Hubby bought me my very first brand new laptop (for Christmas, nonetheless). I pulled it out of the box and plugged it in to do all the things you need to do to get the software installed and all that....and Y'all....this damn computer SHOCKED ME! Like, with electricity and everything. SHOCKED! ME! And not when I turned it on....just randomly. It was like the laptop was mad at me!

Me: (all excited) Oh, I think I'll check my email on my beloved new computer!

Laptop: You want yer damn email? *SHOCK* Here's yer damn email! *SHOCK*

Me: (jumping) OW! What the hell?!

Hubby: (laughing) What the hell are you doing over there?

Laptop: (evil computer laugh) MUAH HA HA HA HA!!!

(later the next day)

Best Buy Geek Squad Dorks: Uhh...(picking nose)....sorry....we can't duplicate the problem here. (soup nazi voice) NO HELP FOR YOU! Oh, and sorry, we broke this little plastic piece off your laptop, but since it's just superficial, we're not fixing it....or paying to fix it.....and oh yeah, we lost your power supply cord.

Me: (keying the Geek Squad cars)

Me: (eye twitching)

Me: (looking like I styled my hair by sticking my finger into an electrical outlet)

Everyone Else: (not believing me that my computer actually shocks me randomly)

So...yes. Of course I think electronic things are out to get me. But really. They are. Seriously. (looking over my shoulder at my iPod) Don't get any ideas!

So I'm pretty sure my mom is going to end up with a new computer. Hopefully one that won't try and style her hair for her. hee hee

blah dee blah blah blah

2006-11-05T23:20:00.000-05:00

Ever have one of those weekends that you're really looking forward to, but then Sunday night comes and you realize that you've done pretty much nothing?

We've watched two movies, been to 3 Auto Zones and an Advance Auto Parts, not changed the oil on 2 cars since they didn't have the right oil filter for one (which I've got to go pick up tomorrow from the dealership because our auto parts stores have conspired against me and decided not to carry oil filters for my diesel Jeep. Argh.), baked one sour cream coffee cake (recipe courtesy of Granny), rotated the tires on Chuck (the truck), cleaned approximately 100,000 dishes (guess who did that?), read one Kraft Food something-or-other magazine received about 3 months ago, listened to hubby talk on the phone to his brother and his friend Tater, drove to Honey Baked Ham to order a ham for Thanksgiving just to find out that they're CLOSED ON SUNDAY WHY DID I NOT KNOW THAT?!, bought a paper (for the coupons...what? did you think I actually read the paper? bwa ha ha ha!), drooled through the window of DSW only to be pulled away by hubby kicking and screaming "But! But! I need new shoes!!", and that's pretty much it.

Wow....to look at it, we did a LOT! I thought we just sat around doing nothing. Oh wait....that's what we're doing now.

Brain....stopped.....working.....

2006-11-05T00:47:00.000-05:00

Wow....I had so many ideas for this post, but they all escape me now.

Hopefully this will entertain you until I can get my brain jumpstarted.

If he eats one more piece of cat food, that box is going to explode.

But.....AWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

SPF - The Good, Bad, and Ugly

2006-11-03T11:47:00.000-05:00

This week we have a supposedly easy SPF consisting of:

1.) The Good
2.) The Bad
3.) The Ugly

Generally, I do not have to think about these things all week long, but I have been drawing a blank on this one. Yeah, yeah, I know, I suck. Anyway, here goes...

1.) The Good

Mmmmm....Diet Mountain Dew....I could not live without you! I mean, I probably could, but let's not give that a try. I switched from regular Mountain Dew about a year ago and I must admit....the diet stuff tasted like grass for the first two weeks, but now it tastes just like the regular to me. In fact, I was with the Hubby a few months ago and sort of kind of halfway choked and we were in the car and I had no drink, so I took a swig of his (he drinks the regular stuff) and it tasted like I might as well be drinking maple syrup. Yuck. I highly recommend the diet. No syrupy stuff in your throat...always a good thing.

2.) The Bad.

This is Squish. The Fish. He is a very bad fish. There used to be other fish in there with him. Used. To. Be. He killed them. (Bad fish! Bad!) They were all the same, Tiger Barbs, like the girl at the fish place suggested (since they were agressive, just supposedly not toward each other....well HA HA HA. Weren't they just WRONG!) and we also got a silver shark that they said the other fish definitely would NOT mess with. Let's just say I ended up having to rescue the poor little shark from sudden death by fin nibbling! There is one other fish in there with Squish. It's one of those sucker fish that I named Humphrey. Humphrey is easily 8 times the size of Squish, yet Squish STILL picks on him! BAD BAD FISH! (much finger wagging)

3.) The Ugly.

No, not the adorable kitty. The knitting. MY knitting. I just learned, so it's ok that it's kinda ugly....well, I learned nearly a year ago. My Aunt taught me over Thanksiving. My Granny tried to teach me when I was about 8 and that just wasn't gonna happen. I made a little blanket for my cat, but then kind of forgot all about it. Anyway, I picked it up again over Thanksgiving last year (and remembered NOTHING from when I was 8). I made my dad a scarf for last Christmas which took me...well...I'm not gonna tell you how long it took me. It's embarassing. I made my mom a scarf for Mother's Day (and gave it to her in July....oops....took a little longer that I expected). So basically, I've only given things to family members because....well....the phrase "something only a mother could love" comes to mind. The cute kitty DID help in making it just a little more ugly after I tried to pick it up off the floor and wrap it back up after taking the picture by snagging it and trying to eat it. Ugh. So. Yeah. Ugly. sigh

Did You Play?!

PURTAY

2006-11-02T23:07:00.000-05:00

Everyboy....meet Chuck. Chuck, this is everybody. Say "hi" Chuck.

Chuck: beep beep

Chuck the Truck.....get it? I'm so original, I scare myself sometimes. har har!

I spent over 4 hours today washing, drying, detailing, and waxing my truck. And yes, I consider it a "truck"....just not a "pickup truck". I've debated this with many-a-people, and I always win, so just don't even start....unless you agree with me.

My arms and shoulders hurt SO bad. Chuck's definitely not one of those humongous SUVs, but damn if it didn't seem like it was expanding. Everytime I thought I was getting close to even halfway through, I'd realize that there was something that I'd forgotten. Chuck became like the Batmobile! Everytime I turned around there was MORE of him!

But now he's all clean and shiney and PURTAY!

This one, on the other hand ....

I have written my name on....and then more dust accumulated....and then I wrote my name on again.....and I swear....when we put the battery back in it.....I'm gonna wash her! Probably. She's really easy to wash, though....being so short. Her name is "Missy"....do ya' get it? do ya? get it? It's a Mitsubishi and one day, I heard someone call a mitsubishi "missy bitchy" and I kinda liked it! So, she was dubbed "Missy".

Yeah....I name stuff....shut up.

Our TV is named "Stevie".

*pausing for inevitable laughter fits*

My hubby's truck is named "Blueberry"....because it's blue....very very blue...and he kept calling it "Blueberry" and I said "if you keep calling that thing 'Blueberry' that name is gonna stick!" and sure 'nuff....8 months later, we're still calling it Blueberry.

sigh

To sum up....

Chuck = shiney & clean
Missy = dusty & graffiti-ized with my name
Blueberry = still blue